Something Baby Blue

8

2011-12-10T17:17:00.004-05:00

If there was a moment
Where all you ever wanted
Existed

But you didn’t take it
For whatever reason
What does that make life?
How often do those moments slip away?
What could have been?

To wonder in its beauty.
It would have been everything.

Cool like that

2011-11-10T09:44:00.005-05:00

Refrigerator, refrigerator, fridge.

Mistake

2011-09-19T13:31:00.003-04:00

I do not belong in the first house that I ever bought. That I still own. The moments that I am there are always painful. By far the room that I dread walking into the most is my bedroom. On my dresser remains a stack of my books, lotions, CDs, photos. There are still a couple drawers of my belongings that I haven’t taken. He keeps clothes piled up on the side of the bed that I used to sleep.

I had notes that I wrote in my dresser. I see a page on top of the television. It’s the TV that I bought from a roommate before she moved away. I wonder why this piece of paper is there and I make the mistake of looking at it. It’s not one that I wrote.

It’s a love note that he wrote to her when she was here in this bedroom. At the same time that my children were here. All under one roof. In the house that is mine that I am not welcome in. And it hurts. But it doesn’t hurt for all the reasons that one might expect. Truthfully those feelings are there but I have faced them and I have moved on. I don’t want to live here with him. I don’t want him.

The reason it cuts through me is because this is not the man that I even knew. He never wrote love letters. I wasn’t worth it to him. The love that I always wanted, that I was never given, is here in my bedroom. This room was just never meant for me.

In seclusion

2011-08-23T11:47:00.008-04:00

My love,
I can attempt to distract myself
But I know I am transparent.
Bury myself
Into a foray of aimlessly engaging
Still, my only focus is you.
A stolen glance
Returned.
Clueless to what you are thinking
Everything left unspoken
Insatiably denied.
This wall shelters me
From being crushed
By the weight of your rejection
Leaving me longing
For you to hold me close
Succumbing to this fate
In knowing
I’ll be waiting endlessly
For something that will never be.

Caution

2011-06-26T13:26:00.008-04:00

Bipolar bouncing from love to hate
Settling into the gray.
Time advances forward... frozen over.
Living in opposites
Stop. Go. Crawl away
With a band-aid covered broken heart
That has no regard for what I think.
Clinging to every little sign
And despising myself for it
Coincidence. I try to convince myself
Wanting otherwise doesn't make it so.
Embrace the things I love
Sipping coffee
Pink bubblegum lip gloss
The warm breeze on a beautiful day
A favourite new song on repeat
Every moment with my girls.
Sudden rage rushes in to devour me
Before I slip back into the aching sadness
So tired of feeling broken
Then overwhelmed with anger again.
I wonder if things will change
Why fate hasn't stepped in
Or have I blocked it
Too afraid the next wave of pain will be too much for me.
Red. Green. Yellow

Haunted Heart

2010-12-17T01:56:00.008-05:00

Layers of dust
Cover each chamber
Rhythmic pounding
Faintly echoes on
Pushing through
Invasive thoughts
That keeps the blood warm
The weight of a thousand blankets
Rest upon
The love in my haunted heart.

Roaming through me
Sending tidal waves that steal my breath
My sweet ghost fills the space
More than any other soul
Suffocating the others
With no signs of vacating
Pervading
Remaining
Forever in my haunted heart.

Perseverance and sorrow

2010-09-23T17:13:00.014-04:00

Self-serving, overbearing and toxic.

The disease takes hold and sabotages all that was once good. When I didn’t suspect anything she crept in to suppress without regard. How quickly it spread. Indeed I am in awe of the evil weight it possesses. Now I fear that nothing can fix these cells. Even cut out and removed, the damage cannot be reversed. It is too late.

Luckily, or not, it is not fatal. I have to live through this. It’s not getting easier. I know it won’t get easier. I greet the hungry malady with a smile because how else do I deal? Anger does not change a thing. Denial gives it authority. Accepting is defeat.

There is no solution but the questions have all been answered.

Foreshadow

2010-08-02T15:13:00.002-04:00

At a standstill
on the sidelines.
Biding my time
Feels like wasting each day.
Erase what I know
when everything's amiss.
Tumbling in circles,

Repeat...

Diving in.
The world is mine.
(vacantly numb)

Bendis

2010-07-20T12:17:00.006-04:00

Under the daylight moon, a stream of confusion, nothing is this bright. The expanding blueness stretches out to offer hope, a false sense of safe. Under the daylight moon comes a hint that the night will fall upon us. Scatter and shuffle to finish before the soft comforts embrace the depleted.
I am not scared of the dark.
The daylight moon transmits the cue for the noise to lull.
The multitude of distress to dissipate. Just a little further away, it is always there.

Waiting.

wading...

2010-07-07T12:50:00.009-04:00

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Pour

2010-06-25T10:06:00.013-04:00

Three fingertip bruises contradict the words that shattered my heart.

It wasn’t hard falling for you. I felt drawn in. The force of that pull was more than I could have imagined. And you were always there. With each word, I grew stronger and pinned my hopes a little higher. I felt connected on every level, sharing so many of the same ideals and values.

Maybe I was just a place holder that was filling your need for attention through the wires. Maybe I built meaning into things that were never there.

We were always closer when we were further apart. The moments that brought us together, you tended to shy away. I should have used that to open my eyes to the truth. Except something was different in March. The way that you looked at me, my soul felt exposed.

I wanted more and I needed it to be real. I needed this to be different than my history. To know that it is not is a little more than I can endure. I can’t keep giving my heart to those that don’t want it. So now I will take the sturdiest of bricks and create a fortress. I’m going to lock myself in there because I can’t allow for me to continue on this way.

Beauty

2010-05-18T11:47:00.006-04:00

I only hope that the things that she has seen don't ruin her chance for happiness. Six was too early to learn so many of the reasons that make life unfair. In three days she will turn seven. I have to reach deep within to find the strength to undue the damage. She deserves that.

Something in the way

2010-04-19T00:13:00.004-04:00

Reason.
There is no winning with her.
Her hands tied behind her back
Still she has the upper advantage.
My hands are tied.
Bound.
With stern necessity she carries her song.
Sweetly, like an angel, singing of truth
Wisdom echoes, ringing clear.
My heart argues to no avail.
She won’t have any of it.
Yet Reason can’t make it stop.
My heart swells and swoons.
It bursts.
It breaks.
With Reason ridiculing every beat.
And if you were to hold me in your arms,
Safe
Reason would all but disappear.

Canada's Next Top Models

2010-04-10T21:45:00.004-04:00

They are naturals. Maybe I can soon be a lady who lunches after all.

Believe

2010-04-04T17:50:00.004-04:00

Strawberry hears her streetwise best friend tell her truths but her heart wants to let her accept childhood wonders. This was the first holiday that she began to question.

"The Easter Bunny, Santa and the Tooth Fairy don't really exist. It's just our parents?" her tone wavers into a question.

I ask her if that's what she truly thinks. I try to gracefully answer her question with a question. "How could I possibly be all those things? I'm just a mom."

This morning they woke only a couple hours after I had fallen asleep. Buttercup had struggled all night with bad dreams. Her whimpers and subconscious cries kept me awake. Still she bounced out of bed with four year old eager excitement to see what the bunny had brought. A sleepy older sister followed her.

Trails of shiny, foil covered chocolate eggs led to baskets of candy, new dresses, a movie, a CD.

They settled into peeling off the paper, unwrapping their sweets when Strawberry found her truth.

“Mom, I know there is an Easter Bunny! You couldn't possibly have got us all this stuff last night.”

"You're right. The stores were closed when the Easter Bunny came to our house.”

The little sister wisely piped in, “But you could have just got all this stuff earlier.”

I kissed the top of her head and told her she's way too smart. They were happy and content. Then we danced...

Sleepdriving away

2009-08-31T15:02:00.003-04:00

Sitting on the ledge. Praying to be pushed over.
Drained by the sad songs that make my heart ache fiercely.
Surprised by reactions.
Stronger than I give myself credit for and I hear it in my voice as I comfort my mother.
Anger seeps in from those that hold me dear.
Frozen in fear.
The numbness dissolved by incomprehension makes the darkness intimidating. I will force myself to march or stumble through it.
Scrapes, bruises and blood.
My despondent heart will not go unscathed.

Piece of me

2009-08-21T16:54:00.005-04:00

In the excitement of starting our vacation, Strawberry took a tumble down our hardwood stairs. Of course, being a no good, capitalizing mommy blogger, I offered her five bucks to create a scandalous video for your entertainment!

She must have had too many Tim Hortons Iced Capps before her UFC promo spot because she’s talking super quickly. If you can’t make it out, she is saying, "Hey y'all. Would you want a piece of me? I'd like a piece of you! Bop! Daa! Gah! You should see the other guy..."

Money well spent!

Four long hours

2009-07-27T00:34:00.013-04:00

I could tell he was excited that he was stripping me. He was ever so successful at it. I knew that he thought it was going to be a difficult task. I told him I was very cooperative.

He was attentive. He checked me over, again and again, giving it more time.

His hands were strong. He knew what he was doing.

When I was ready, I couldn't find the right words to express myself. I gave in and let him have his way with me. I had almost forgotten that it was that painful. Then I paid him an exorbitant amount of money.

Dearest Adam, my hairdresser. I never meant to be this blonde!

Trickery

2009-07-16T11:33:00.006-04:00

“Good morning birthday girl.”
(sleepy smiles)
“How old are you today?”
“Three.”
“No, you’re four.”
“No.”
“Are you one?”
“No.”
“Are you two?”
“No.”
“Are you three?”
“Yes.”
“No you’re not. You’re four today!”
“Are you tricking me? I’m three!”
“Don’t you want to be four? Four is fun!”
“Three is fun. You’re tricking me. I’m not four. No one has sung happy birthday to me.”
“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear buttercup. Happy birthday to you.”
(smiles coyly) “I haven’t had cake yet.”
“You’ll have cake at daycare! Hey do you want to open your presents?”
“YES!!!”
“How old are you?”
(holds up four fingers)
“Ok let’s go!”

Big gulp of air - Aaah, whooo...

2009-06-03T02:15:00.007-04:00

Another day goes by and then another. This blog sits dormant and dusty. Without advertising pressure, (poof - gone!) I leave the sad, vague words that I'd rather push to the back of my mind and further down from the top, garnering the stray hits that visit. Hi there! Thanks for coming by. Oh look... a new post! Finally.

So here goes nothing, but wait something. Strawberry turned six. The age for me that held some of my most defining moments. Six! A year that brought the first time for sitting at desks and what was then a rite of passage, chickenpox. The year my teacher gave me two gold stars for cleverly handing in a page in my workbook "This is a picture of _______" and I filled in Nothing. Lesson learned: Be creative in finding ways to get out of doing work and you will be rewarded grandly!

Poor Strawberry came down with the flu before her big day, missed school and didn't even want to lick the icing off her cupcake.

Strawberry, I hope that you hold many memories close to your heart from this momentous year. Times of giggles, pure fun and magical ideas.

I made a huge batch of rainbow sprinkled cupcakes to take to daycare for her celebration. They ended up being tasty treats for the office. A few days later I went round two with the cupcakes and made more colourful sweets.

When I am not avoiding writing obscure nonsense to post here, I spend my free time doing my new favourite thing. Blip-blip blipty blipping, now new and improved with videos too!

My addictive personality and me are hook, line and sunk with this obsession. Be a DJ! So many songs, so little time... Sing along. Come and dance or wallow with me. I bounce all over the map depending on my many moods. My ramblings there are lyrics that I fancy from the songs that catch my heart. My station is updated way more frequently with beats and lush harmonies. It's so much easier to express myself with other people's music.

Return to sender

2009-04-09T16:30:00.002-04:00

Words are not my friend. Sleep is not my friend. It seems I find myself giving comfort to those who I think might need it yet I feel empty. Dried up. I am but a shell of who I once was. I used to like her but times got tough and I went MIA. There are days that I'll make a brief appearance but then gone again. All that's left is an unknown girl hiding behind this half smile and glossed over eyes. Do they see it? How transparent am I? Shake it off. Things will get worse. Oh good, something to look forward to…

I am searching for hope in faraway wishes. It’s a waste of concentration on energy that could be better spent. I long for a little piece of myself to return so that I can escape. Down. down. drowned.

Pudding

2009-03-08T04:41:00.003-04:00

Tonight I sit at the old desktop because the laptop is afflicted with viruses. Much like my life.

I’m surrounded by clutter. I wish nothing more than to dispose of it all. I am not clinging to any sentimental attachment. Much like my life.

These words make their way onto my computer screen and I suppose they come across as dismal but that is not the page that I am on.

I have come to feel like powder. I am reduced to sugar crystals being poured into boiling water. At first I felt like I was dissolving into nothing but then I made the realization that I am evolving.

Perfect songs fill my headphones. It’s late and the music is loud. I keep feeling the presence of someone walking towards me but I am alone with the children sleeping in the next room.

I flip from window to window. I am trying not to read into everything and failing. If it is hard for me to make heads or tails, how can I expect someone removed to understand? Right now there is comfort in the open-ended questions. I think I have what I need and I will take it.

The song will play again. The clutter will dissipate. I will be anew.

a Pisces takes her Valentine's toes to the ocean

2009-02-18T16:14:00.005-05:00

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In the clouds

2009-01-27T22:09:00.004-05:00

The small oval window holds my interest. I am absorbed.
The world is cold… frozen. The sky is empty.
Below there are vast squares and circles in shades of earth brown.
I long for another helping of clouds to admire.
Their softness spreads a blanket of sweetness and comfort.
Entranced by white fluffy mounds with peaks of blue like cotton candy meringue.
Consumed with the grand idea of jumping onto the pillow to rest my head on a cloud. The reality of falling through removed. The clouds are safe.
I dream in the pink glow from the west.
The sun slips away.
Descending into opaque darkness.
Home.

Take my heart & wrap it in a ribbon & a bow

2008-12-25T14:09:00.007-05:00

Christmas is about bringing happiness.

2008 will now be known as the year that Bratz dolls invaded our home.

I'm in denial so I'll be calling them rock and roll dolls. All that matters is that we have some very happy, little girls, going from toy to toy while singing songs about Rudolf, bells and mistletoe.

The warmth of the season has filled my heart and I'll be spending the day thinking about friends and family that I don't get to see today. I'm looking forward to 2009 and the time that will bring us together.

Drunk blogging

2008-11-23T01:31:00.003-05:00

I found beauty in the tossed out brown, 70's couch, missing cushions, that was strewn across the sidewalk.

I looked across the street and smiled at the cheesy snowman lights that brightly lit up the second floor window.

I followed the giddy couple walking hand in hand in front of me.

The cold, night air nipped at my cheeks.

I quickly rushed home after one too many pints.

The conversation fresh in my mind with some of the bestest friends one could ever ask for.

'Tis the season!

Ballerina Rock Star

2008-11-21T11:57:00.006-05:00

Buttercup twirled around the living room. Spinning round and round, she followed me into the kitchen. As she practiced her pirouettes, she sweetly sang “George and Paul, George and Paul.”

With glee, I gave her a standing ovation. Unfortunately I interrupted the artist and she did not take kindly to my clapping. Like the diva she was born to be, she went to admire herself pout in the reflection of the sliding glass door.

Buttercup turned back to me and asked, “Would you like to hear my angry song?”

“Yes!” I encouraged.

She marched back to the centre of the room and in her rock and roll voice she shouted, “George and Paul! George and Paul!”

I wanted to ask her what about Ringo and John but I thought it would probably be better to fill her rider requests without another incident.

Mmmmmmmm... soup

2008-11-14T16:15:00.008-05:00

Guess what I’m not doing this year? NaBloPoMo. While torturing you with my daily posts on nothingness would be fun for me, I’ve been consumed. All I do is work… Fourteen hours feels like a short day. This leaves no time for finding somewhat interesting things to share. I miss my children and miss my friends. I miss all of you.

As many of you know the great hot tub escape has now come and gone. The details cannot be posted. It is a very good thing that there was extremely limited internet access up north because on the last evening, I was all about over sharing. My secrets were hung up on the laundry line for all to see. It was not pretty.

Last night, as I lay in bed, thoughts began forming into a blog shape. Of course they scattered into alphabet soup as I crashed. Soon I hope to have more. Until then I plan on making my rounds to visit and catch up with all of you.

Rocking the Boat

2008-10-15T13:56:00.003-04:00

Last night I rushed home early for once because of the Canadian federal election.

I helped Buttercup put her shoes on. She was telling me about a boat.

“What kind of boat?” I asked.

“A yellow boat.” (Her favorite colour.)

“Oh a submarine!”

Off we went. The four of us went walking in the lovely fall evening. We basked in the glow of the big, round ball of a moon hanging low in the sky. The darkness was quickly taking over.

We got to the school and walked up the steps. Buttercup asked “Where’s the boat?”

“Oh no honey, not a boat. We are going to vote. But look there is a yellow sign!”

They waited patiently sitting on chairs in the busy school gym while we marked an x on the ballot. It took maybe five minutes out of our day. All done, we cut through the playground making our way home. When Buttercup realized that there was not going to be a boat she broke down in tears. Colin held her while Strawberry ran to get in two times down the slide. But Buttercup wouldn’t join in. She was heartbroken that there would be no boat.

Maybe that’s why 41% of our population did not bother to rock the vote. I hope that Americans do much better than us in their turnout to the polls. I am amazed that some people do not have an opinion or care enough about the state of their world to make their voice heard.

Circled in red

2008-10-01T10:51:00.007-04:00

F is the worst letter of the alphabet. F is bad. We learn at a very young age to avoid it at all costs. It is creeping up and is dangling over me. I feel it.

Failure.

I can’t seem to please anyone in my life. If I can’t make anyone else happy, the idea of pleasing me becomes a foreign concept.

Lists, lists, lists… with nothing crossed off. I’m shutting down and not functioning. This is all rather boring. I turn to music to fill up my soul and clear the thoughts. I’m driving my car with the music loud. Angry at the world… Angry at myself…

There is not one thing that I am doing right. Maybe I’m setting myself up for disaster. Nightmares even haunt me while I break from the conscious. Writing this is admitting defeat and waving the white flag. It makes me more depressed.

Kittenpie once told me that I don’t write about personal information and she’s right because this is the direction that would lead me. I don’t want to come off sounding like oh woe is me. Plus I’m too incoherent because I’m too overwhelmed to go into detail. I think it is mind-numbing. Everything is wrong but nothing is wrong. I think I write this same post once a year.

I just want a break from the lists and have some focus on what I’m really supposed to be doing to be happy and content. That is so far off that I just cannot see it. Life shouldn’t be wasted under this heaviness.

I hang on tight, going in circles, feeling motion sickness from the ups and downs. The ride is too short. Is this all there is?

Skadoosh

2008-09-17T11:41:00.004-04:00

She's already a skilled three year old. That means she knows the ways of the sacred Dragon Scroll.

I lub you my little Buttercup.

xoxo

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Gone

2008-09-14T16:31:00.006-04:00

Summer has come and gone. Where did the time go? While the rain kept us guessing, I had the craziest luck. My car was stolen; I took a lay off soon after but the kicker of it all has got to be breaking my collarbone while riding my bike home from a concert. Not exactly the luck I’m used to. They say bad things happen in threes so I’m hoping that this is all that is in store for me.

When I was a kid, summer used to mean jumping in the car the second school was over. We would call the cottage home for the next two to three months. This was MY world. Bonfires, bridge jumping, kick the can, boats, swimming, water skiing and the best friends anyone could ever ask for. In the city I was the shy kid. Up north I was fearless; seeking adventure and occasionally getting into a little trouble now and then.

Time didn’t exist. The days were endless. I wouldn’t know what day of the week it was. The only sense of time that I had was in knowing if it was July or August. I always dreaded the Labour Day weekend. It meant that long drive back and walking into a home that felt familiar but didn’t feel like it was your own. I know I was lucky. I got to enjoy this until I was 19. Being the eldest my younger brothers didn’t get as long as I did. When I turned 20 it was my job that held me to the city. I would still escape every chance I had but by then things had changed. Friends lost touch or stopped coming up all together. In time I started venturing downtown and got into the bar scene. Once again I was seeking adventure and occasionally getting into a little vodka induced trouble now and again. I would still make it up to the cottage but by now I was bringing my friends up for a weekend.

Now as a parent I want to provide the same things I had as a child for our kids. But things are so different than thirty years ago. Who can afford a home in the city and also a cottage? If you have the finances for the two properties then odds are that you cannot afford to take the time off to spend it with your kids. We would even have to pay for daycare because we couldn’t possibly lose our placements once school started.

I know our kids are not lacking in any way. They are loved and we give them lots of opportunities to enjoy plenty of experiences in the city. Their friend network revolves around daycare and I know they are happy. I see it in their faces everyday.

Strawberry and the Magic Weedstalk

2008-07-26T13:20:00.003-04:00

Here is Strawberry. She's standing beside our six foot fence.

Our neighbour is growing some massive weeds. At first looking at the weeds peek over our fence would get me all riled up but now that they are this tall, I'm in awe.

The next time our neighbour is barbequing I want to commend him on his weed growing skills. Dude those weeds rule.

Ok, I might still be slightly annoyed.

In the Heat of the Day

2008-07-17T01:18:00.006-04:00

I was on edge.

She had her bathing suit on and it was already sweltering. She was exceedingly quiet as she sat in the backseat probably daydreaming about a day at the beach. I know that I would prefer the sand in my toes with the scent of sunscreen heavy in the air.

That was not meant to be. I was going to spend another day cooped up with the air conditioner blasting beside me. If I were lucky I wouldn’t have to turn my space heater on.

At my desk I took a sip of my coffee and my thoughts drifted back to her.

I should have opened the window just a crack. The car was only a half a block away in the hot garage. At least it was out of direct sunlight.

I imagined an innocent bystander walking by. They might glance in and rush to call the authorities. The humidex made the 31 degrees Celsius high feel more like a scorching 40!

Almost ten hours had passed. I emerged out of the office and immediately felt a blast of warm air wash over me. I was thankful that the summer sun had not yet set even though I had worked late. Deadlines loom over me and I can see my vacation days verging on the horizon.

My steps were quick as I approached her waiting patiently in the car. I raced down two flights to find her in the backseat. She looked so small in the car seat that is way too big for her.

Thankfully Alexandra is smiling. Her day was less stressful than mine.

To Chance

2008-07-03T14:25:00.006-04:00

I am three days fashionably late. It was then, at the cottage that I hugged you and wished you a happy anniversary. I went on to tease you for my present knowing very well that we had not purchased each other gifts.

With your quick wit you promised that you were going to buy me a coffee. You know the way into my heart is less than two dollars. You did not let me off the hook and wondered what you would get in return. I promised you this.

“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”
– William Somerset Maugham

You are but a hint of the twenty three year old boy that I boldly walked up to and introduced myself to fifteen years ago. I still hear it in your laughter. I catch it in your bright smile and that mischievous spark in your eye.

You are barely the same man that I joined at the end of the aisle when I wore the white dress and made big promises to only six years ago.

It’s hard to say if it was marriage or having children that changed our relationship because we waited nine years before either. The thing that surprises me most is that I am still discovering you.

The happy chance is that six years ago there was one girl professing her love to you and now there are three.

Five

2008-06-11T07:22:00.006-04:00

A while back, Strawberry turned five. I'm still trying to find the words.

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Blog Worthy?

2008-06-06T00:54:00.007-04:00

The longer I go between posts, the harder it is getting to end this hiatus. I am constantly questioning myself... Is this blog worthy? The nattering voice at the back of my daily activities is verging on sounding as neurotic as Elaine from the Seinfeld episode "The Sponge."

It probably doesn't help that I am devoting all my computer time to my gossip addiction. My life could not come anywhere close to being as interesting as the celebrities that are dodging the paparazzi and filling the columns with their drunken debauchery. I may have to do something drastic like get a tattoo or force myself to get pregnant. Oh that Gwyneth sure has a way with words.

Thankfully I spied a challenge from Sweetney. She asked for everyone to Come As You Are. When I saw Assertagirl and Motherbumper were already on it, I knew this was a bandwagon to jump on.

Enïd could hear the sound of my camera phone snapping from her next-door office. I took the deny route when she called over, "Are you taking pictures of yourself?" There was no fooling her. She knew better because we traveled to Vancouver and Austin where she came to know my love affair with my camera. Hey, I'm not as bad as Miley. Well at least I wear more clothes. Earlier tonight there were some girls standing beside me at The Raconteurs that were preoccupied with smoking dope while taking photos of themselves rather than paying attention to the band. Now those girls definitely have more of that self-loving Miley attitude.

I am just happy that you cannot see the top of my head in this photo because I have taken an even longer hiatus from colouring my hair.

Things I've learned this week

2008-05-13T01:21:00.004-04:00

On cars

The recovery rate of stolen cars is less than 70% in Toronto. Yes bandits have made off with our car. Luckily we now have a rental while we wait the specified fifteen days before we are allowed to get a replacement. Who steals a car with two car seats? Not cool dude.

On food

If I make stuffed baked potatoes, my daughters will refuse to eat them no matter how much cheese is melted on top and even with all the yummy ingredients I throw in.
Lately I have almost become a vegetarian as I am turned off by most meat.
The longer I stay up, the more that I want to dive into chocolate.

On dreams

Strawberry giggled while she slept.
Buttercup cried out in terror "No! Nemo."
I keep dreaming that I am running either being chased or it is a race against time.

On underwear

When lounging in comfy pajamas for an extended period, I should first make sure that I am not wearing irritating underwear.
I was shocked that daycare told me that Buttercup is potty trained and ready for cotton undies. As per their request we ditched the pull-ups last week and I am doing more loads of laundry than ever. While I love that daycare has great belief in my daughter, I'm hoping that they know what they are doing because I'm losing my patience with the mess.

On happiness

Strawberry reading to me.
Buttercup cooing, "You're awesome mummy."
Binkywood gossip.

Recycled

2008-05-06T08:32:00.000-04:00

Now for the really bad joke of the day:

Why was Strawberry sad?

Because her mom was in a jam.

(Thanks. I'm here all week.)

*******************

If you are thinking about going to Blog Friends Fest, check out all the new information! Ooooh what fun... Plus there is a survey. When you add your thoughts ~ Presto ~ BFF will magically turn into the most awesome blogging haven in the East this July! Don't be scared away by my jokes. I pinky swear promise that I am much funnier after a few shots of liquor.

Two's a Charm

2008-05-04T15:08:00.004-04:00

No one promised that having babies was easy. Well maybe Paris Hilton did but she has yet to become a parent and will have a team of nannies to correct her mistakes when the time comes so we cannot go by what Paris may or may not offer up.

I have luckily already gone through the sleepless part of two and I am thrilled to pieces that we may be on the verge of being completely out of diapers. Saying things like that as part of a baby shower for some wonderful ladies that are about to give birth is about as smart as something that comes out of Paris Hilton. My apologies. Let's start this post over again.

Dear Mrs. Chicky, Mrs. Chicken and Her Bad Mother,

You are at that magical point in your family when you go from one child to two. I remember trying to get tons of special time in with my first born before the second one made her grand appearance. Little did I realize that Strawberry was not going anywhere. We still have plenty of time together to bond as I do with my youngest Buttercup. Everything seems to multiply when you add another baby to the mix. The fun, kisses and hugs, the plastic sea of toys, the laundry and the not so fun tantrums.

There is a time for adjusting to having another person in the family. These growing pains go by quickly. I barely remember how Strawberry would jump on my back and try to hug me with the tightest squeeze whenever I was holding Buttercup.

Being the older sister meant lavishing attention on the roly-poly new baby. Placing kisses on little toes can abruptly turn into a sudden jealous bite. It's confusing having this new sibling at first but the love comes rushing to the surface.

I remember worrying that if one woke up crying that the whole family would be crying a chorus of tears through the long night. Thankfully that was unnecessary worrying. I keep my children so tired that when one wakes up in the middle of the night, the other sleeps like a rock.

I quickly discovered that having two children means that you will always have at least one angel. Whenever one decides to act up, the other goes pie eyed with pure innocence and looks at the other like they could never display behaviour that naughty even if it was their turn five minutes ago.

As the little one learns all the same tricks as the first has mastered like holding their head up, sitting, talking, walking and running well then the real fun begins. Seeing my children happily play together is worth all those growing pains. Hearing my children sing together makes my heart just about explode. I can see their bond and know even though they are going to have plenty of trying arguments, there will be even more hugs. The two of them are going to be the other's anchor, cheering each other on and sticking together through thick and thin.

Life with two is a dance party. Load up your MP3 player's ladies and let the good times roll.

Warm and fuzzy

2008-05-01T07:26:00.008-04:00

Kgirl wrote 7 lbs, 7 oz about the differences she's discovered in her daughters and the perfect love that she has for both of them. She wrapped her words into such a beautiful piece that I must present to her a Perfect Post Award.

Having a child is awe-inspiring. My eyes and my heart opened. I think that in having a second child that I never realized that there would be more to discover. I probably assumed that I was doubling the love and the experience. It's within their differences that my world expands.

Over at Petroville and Suburban Turmoil you will find some of the best posts of April!

No Kisses

2008-04-26T17:15:00.001-04:00

Finally, after what feels like forever, I'm feeling better. Since I've been so run down and stressed I got not one, but two cold sores. So attractive. I want to hide in my house for a week. I'm embarrassed to even go to the coffee shop. I've been so busy that I've managed to hide behind my computer. Fortunately the awesome people that I work with have been delivering coffee and sustenance to keep me going.

I have been having a super hard time holding back the kisses to my girls. After few days of big hugs, I was struck by a revelation. I had not once stopped myself from planting a big one on my husband. While we are a touchy feely couple we are not kissy kissy. I think when I am healed, I'm going try and work on this. Kisses make everything better.

Since I am in hiding out mode, I received an advance copy of Petite Anglaise by Catherine Sanderson. I would love nothing more than to lounge in my backyard with a frosty beverage and devour this novel.

If you live in the Toronto area and would like your own copy email me at cmcreate[at]gmail[dot]com.

There is a bonus to this offer, as you will also get an invitation to a blogger's brunch launch party on Friday, June 6th. Say that three times fast and this is going to the first three people who are fast!

You can look for this book in stores as of June 17th and check out Catherine's blog petite anglaise.

The Terrorific Tantrum

2008-04-23T05:08:00.002-04:00

We started the week with a rough start. As you will soon see, that is a magnificent understatement. I was convinced that my life had turned into an Adam Sandler comedy and I have been keeping an eye out for the camera crew. This story would be funny if I wasn’t so embarrassed by my daughter’s unruly behaviour. When it's this bad, you have to laugh.

Before dawn on Monday, Buttercup woke up crying out for orange juice. I filled her request and stood beside her bed. She sleepily smiled at me, pointed and said, “I don’t like you.” This was a warning sign of things to come.

Later that morning, I couldn’t get anything right. Buttercup was getting more agitated. She wanted cereal but after seeing Strawberry’s pancake, she changed her mind even though she was close to finishing her breakfast. When it came time to leave the house she broke out the waterworks and tried to run and hide from me. I had to carry her to the garage and go back to lock up the house. Back at the car she had upset Strawberry with her loud display of protest. I found them both in tears.

For the life of me I could not get her to sit in her car seat to do up her seat belt. I drove the car out of our garage so that I could park in the lane way in order to manipulate the little monster. While I was driving she reached from her seat behind me and wrapped her hands around my neck and started strangling me.

I quickly pulled over and got out of the car. Hysteria had set in. There was nothing that I could do to punish her without sending both girls into a state of horror. I couldn’t get Buttercup to calm down. I tried every trick that previously had worked and nothing was flying except for the snot.

About twenty-five minutes of this and I had only managed to do the top strap of her belt. Thinking this was going to be as good as it gets, I decided to drive. I could hear her struggling and Strawberry animatedly let me know that she had pulled a Houdini. I stopped on a side road and ding, ding, ding: round two begins.

Top strap done up, I pull away on to a main street to be met with the same fate. I pull over even though this street is a high traffic area. I take Buttercup out of the car where we stand by her door on the road. She wraps her legs around me and clings like glue. Somehow I get her back into her seat and we are motoring again.

I pull up to Strawberry’s school very tardy. While I’ve separated myself from this disaster scene, both my girls are distraught. I try to offer hugs but the fight continues. Buttercup is trying to run away from me so I pick her up like a football. One of Strawberry’s good friends happens to arrive at the same time and they hold hands all the way to the office to get their late slips.

After I’ve hugged my four year old and sent her off to learn all the wonders of Junior Kindergarten, I try again to calm down my two year old. We stand outside the school and I become the negotiator. I am talking her down with distraction tactics. Finally I win and she lets me carry her a few blocks to her daycare. Her face is nuzzled into my neck the whole way. After giving her plenty of hugs and kisses while I offer explanations regarding her state to the caregivers, she looks up to me with the weight of sadness in her eyes. She doesn’t want me to leave.

And so, began our week.

Surprisingly the next morning everyone was a picture of happiness.

I don’t know how much more of two that I can take.

Evidence

2008-04-16T21:21:00.008-04:00

She came to the city.

So we showed her a good time.

We had to share stories.

We took this time to bond.

We might have had a couple drinks.

They graciously smiled while my flash blinded these lovelies.

One of the most popular drinks of the night was Perrier.

The memories will last longer this way and the photos are worth a million bucks!

Sorry that I didn't capture all the beauties!

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The Red Folder

2008-04-11T04:03:00.004-04:00

When I'm away from the office I like to imagine that the whole place is going to fall apart without me. Sometimes my self importance barely fits through the door! I hold my role with high regard and often need a pat on the back even if it is just me doing awkward yoga positions. I usually don't talk about work in this space so please excuse me while I butter up my very important career.

On the occasion when I have to call in sick, I worry about everyone at the office. I don't want the staff to feel overwhelmed yet I want everything to run smoothly like a well oiled machine. I have to consider that I have the executives to report to about my department.

I have long ago learned how to delegate but there are still certain tasks that I manage with a meticulous procedure. I have three immediate deadlines coming up on big projects and it was a rough time to be away. On Monday, I had to force myself through one task even though I was feeling completely ill. Once I completed my pressing responsibilities I made my way home. However, pushing myself on Monday made it next to impossible for me to move my germ ridden, weak body the next day.

While I recuperated there was still the nagging guilt of being away during a crunch period. On Wednesday I did not feel any improvement but I couldn't be away any longer. I dragged my sorry butt back to work. In my mind I had already began prioritizing my tasks. When I walked into my office I noticed a new red folder sitting beside my computer. My heart dropped. I was worried that another urgent project would have to be added to my list. I picked it up and it had my name written on it.

A huge sigh of relief! Maybe it's someone's birthday and this was just a card being circulated. Maybe there will be cake! I might have the flu but I can always enjoy a slice of chocolate celebration.

Little did I suspect upon opening the red folder that I was in for a real treat.

Oh, I love my work! Katharine is hilarious and I really think she should have her own blog. While I may have missed an impromptu visit from my boyfriend, John Mayer, I managed to get front row center tickets for the next time he's scheduled to come to Toronto! For real! Front row, center! Gah. I need to leash up my inner teenage girl hysteria.

By the way, did you know that I am part of a triple threat dishing up celebrity gossip in Binkywood? It is so much fun. Those crazy celebrities make it super easy for us. I'm such a geek that I really feel an overwhelming desire to comment on every single one of these gossip posts... "First!"

Plus it's just a hop, skip and jump over to a rockin Playdate. It's all new and shiny and the liquor is flowing!

The Death of Me

2008-04-08T13:12:00.002-04:00

They know when we are weak. They sense it. They smell it. Their instincts hone in and they know their mission. Make mommy crack.

I shouldn’t really say they. I’m not referring to both of my lovely daughters. No Strawberry was listening to me with the utmost grace. It was Buttercup in all her terrible two-year-old toddler glory. She is well on her way to three so you could say she is an expert at these two-year-old shenanigans.

We had concert tickets to see Nada Surf but I had come down with the flu. We cancelled the sitter and Colin left me alone with the girls. I can barely move from the horizontal position. Every bone in my body throbs with intense awareness. My mind is so foggy that I see clouds in my living room. That could be the reason I agree to let them watch my nemesis, the My Little Pony video. Pinkypie shoots rainbows from her butt to save Unicornicopia. Good times.

The video ends and I turn the TV off. The lights are dimmed. Colin had suggested that they would easily fall asleep on the sofa while I surf the web. That would be easy like climbing Mount Everest, right?

Buttercup gets up from her chair and goes to the corner. “I don’t like you Mommy.” She hides behind the furniture and starts pretend sobbing looking for a reaction. I take Strawberry to the kitchen to wash the unknown, unnerving rash that has recently broken out on her face. Buttercup continues to throw her tantrum. I tell her we are going upstairs and that she can come too. She however is enjoying her emotional release behind the furniture and decides to carry on.

I tuck Strawberry in bed. I make my way back down to the screaming banshee in the living room. I lure Buttercup out with her favourite thing in the whole world. Orange juice. The crying turns into whimpering. I know that the juice is not a great idea being that she’s had an upset stomach but it was the only thing she’d fall for. She tells me that she’s made another poo. “A Big One.” She doesn’t want to go upstairs because that means bedtime and there is no tricking her. She’s back to full on scream crying as I carry her up the stairs. As we go by Strawberry’s room I can see that she’s already fallen asleep. The protesting wails do not disturb her.

I clean Buttercup and give her new pajamas. I put her in her bed and let her cry. You’d think a few minutes of this would tire her out and she would be fast on her way to la la land but no.

Before the neighbors call child services I go back in. I try to calm her down and I rock her and sing and she thankfully turns down the volume on her sobbing. I see that there is no way that she’s going to sleep any time soon. I know that there is no fight in me so I gather up her most loved stuffed animals her pink kitty Curtsy and her panda bear Shanghai. I take the orange juice that she has not yet sipped and we head downstairs. Normally at this point we would curl up on my bed where I’d fall asleep before her but I figure that my room is infected with one million flu germs and the last thing that I need is for this bug to infect my whole family.

I resign that we will watch some television. Hopefully all the hooking up that’s going on at Paradise Hotel won’t scar her for life. Buttercup is restless and she’s fidgeting around. She’s singing commercials. Pretty much she’s doing everything she can to keep herself awake. I’m fading. My patience has disintegrated. I need sleep but what do I do with this ball of energy? She tells me that she’s made another big one. I carry her back upstairs. I wipe away the explosion; a new diaper; a third pair of pajamas. I tell her to stay in her bed and I’ll be right back.

I take my time in the kitchen. I pour myself a glass of apple juice and took some nighttime cold pills. I can hear Buttercup calling for me. Every other child in the entire world has been asleep for hours. I go back to her.

I hold her and I sing a few lullabies. I tuck her into her toddler bed. I snuggle her stuffed animals in next to her. She throws them out of her bed. Buttercup begs to go back downstairs. I insist that it’s bedtime and that mommy is going to bed too. She asks for daddy. Finally she shows the first signs that she might be ready for slumber. I leave her cooing and go to my room where I fall into a deep sleep myself.

Hey, who turned out the lights?

2008-03-29T14:01:00.006-04:00

On Thursday, Strawberry came home from school visibly upset.

"Mom, Mom. One of the big kids told us that all the polar bears are going to DIE."

We sat down and talked about how the earth was getting warmer which causes the ice at the Arctic to melt. I told her that the polar bears need ice or else they get really, really, super tired from swimming because they are trying to find some ice to rest on. It is getting hard for the polar bears to find ice when it is melting away. I went on to explain that one of the things that help to stop this is by being careful with how we use electricity.

We talked about Earth Hour and how everyone today at 8 P.M. is turning out their lights to make a big difference. Of course if we really want to help save the polar bears, we always have to make sure that we don't leave lights on in rooms when we don't need them.

Since then she's been running around the house making sure that everything is turned off. Forever more we will be sitting in the dark with just the glow from the television because obviously the polar bears want us to be watching TV.

Celebrate the Moments of Your Life

2008-03-28T14:53:00.004-04:00

A crazy lady
Feeling confrontational
That's the way I am.

Emotional mess
Too easily distracted
That's the way I am.

Another coffee
A few minutes to myself
Back to being me!

March Bender

2008-03-25T01:45:00.004-04:00

I had every intention of blogging through SXSW this year but then I decided not to take my computer with me. Miraculously I survived almost five whole days without the internet. Withdrawal from not being attached to my email ~~plenty of free drinks~~ left me woozy but my time was packed full of fine fun.

Texas was blazing hot! Let me tell you that rock and roll marinated in booze, BBQ and heat does not smell so pretty. However there really is no other place in the world like Austin during SXSW. The sounds of guitars come at you from every direction. The energy is dynamic. Scheduling which bands that I wanted to see was trickery particularly on the Friday evening.

I made a last minute attempt to connect my newly upgraded cell phone into Twitter but success was not mine. Instead I text messaged Colin. I think he enjoyed playing secretary by recording my updates. (Thanks Hun!) Like the time that I went to The Velveeta Room to hear a singer songwriter from Vancouver and who ended up at our table but Elijah Wood! He has very stunning, pretty features. He seemed spectacularly sweet, taking time to pose for photos with numerous women. If you'd like my take on the music from the festival check out Pop Rocks.

The icing on the cake was when I enjoyed dining on Mexican food with honest to goodness, divine Texans, Kyla and Julie and another Canadian gal NotSoSage! I was full of beans and over the moon. Put a few bloggers around a table and you have the most stimulating conversation on a whole slew of subjects from politics to celebrities and everything in-between.

This past weekend I got to share some imported beverages with Metro Mama and our spouses before we spent an evening with the Foo Fighters. Not only are they one of the best bands in the universe, but Dave Grohl is a witty genius. The last time that I had the pleasure of having a conversation with Dave was back in 1999, but I think we were meant to be best friends.

Other than all the music, drinks and sweet blogger merriment that has filled my days, I also joined in on concocting ways to have more, more, more... Two brilliant friends and I opened some wine and shared laughter while we thought of a way that will make a weekend in July the ticket to so many smiles that I anticipate the possibility of a few new wrinkles from incredible happiness.

That is the kind of glow that you don't want to wipe away with botox. Blog Friends Fest is open to all, plus smiles are free so please say that you are in!

Hoping the Muffins are Tasty

2008-03-12T05:41:00.006-04:00

The chef hats were created with mad skills by NotSoSage.

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Stop Snow Stop

2008-03-10T19:07:00.005-04:00

A couple weeks ago I made a last minute call to schedule a hair appointment. My rocking stylist, Deby was fully booked. My hair, which I lovingly refer to as horsehair or wire, grows like a weed. It had been far too long since my last cut. I did not want to go with anyone else so I called back later and scheduled my overdue appointment for this past Saturday.

When I woke up to another blizzard, I sat on the edge of my seat waiting for the phone to ring. It did. My telepathy was in overdrive. I was faced with the dilemma to cancel or switch stylists. The decision was made even more difficult knowing that I wanted a major change and was petrified to let the scissors fall where they may. However if I put it off any longer there was a good chance that I'd be hacking it off myself. My hair went below my bra strap and every time I leaned back in my chair I felt the pull of my heavy mane.

They booked me in with a stylist who I have used before. I nervously drove through the fluffy white falling snow and searched for a spot to park between the buried cars. In my purse I carried a photo that I was hoping would resemble my new hair.

At the salon I discovered that my backup stylist was overbooked. A girl that I had never seen before was waiting for me. Oh well, hair grows back. It couldn't possibly turn out as bad as Ruth's friend right? Yah that was a good post to read before this turn of events.

I walked into the salon with my freshly washed, perfected split end frizz.

I emerged with my new sassy, scrunched curls. What freedom! I want to shake my head like a shampoo commercial.

Disaster avoided! I even managed to make it home through the horrible weather without getting the car stuck.

On a side note, I seem to be missing most of my anniversaries. For example thirteen posts ago I hit the 300 mark. Four days ago this blog was officially two years old. In two days from now, I leave all this snow for a warmer cowboy climate. Today however I've spun around the sun 37 times. I think that calls for some spicy tuna rolls!

Drum Roll Please

2008-03-05T21:08:00.004-05:00

A special thank you to Eugene and Enïd, the Director of cue cards, everyone who entered and Picnik for giving me something to give away. Congrats to the winners!

Word (Full) Less

2008-03-05T02:50:00.008-05:00

It is a funny thing that as soon as I say that I am going to stay away from writing for a short spell, words have a way of finding me.

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A time limited offer, but wait that's not all!

2008-03-03T08:24:00.006-05:00

I interrupt this self imposed blogging vacation and I come bearing gifts. If you are reading this you deserve…

A New Car!

(That was to be read in your best Price is Right voice.)

Alas, I don't even have a new car so how about a way to have more fun with your photos. I have two, three month Premium Picnik packages to give away. Picnik is super easy to use. I first discovered it through Facebook and immediately set up an account. I later realized that it is Flickr's editing tool which makes me want to edit every single picture that I put up on Flickr. Heck it even works with photobucket, Picasa and webshots.

It is the super fast way to get rid of those evil red eyes, crop, intensify your colours, style it with sepia or go black and white with a quick click. They have more fonts than you'd imagine. You can even whiten teeth and get rid of blemishes. (Not that you'd need to.) That feature worked in wiping away the cheesecake from Buttercup's mouth. Who needs washcloths when you have Picnik?

Personally I love to add drop borders. I think it really makes pictures leap off the screen. Now you know that I have been taking a break so that I can take more photos and muck around with them. For example, this weekend Strawberry decided it was Rarity's birthday. We had to style all her ponies' hair for the party. I decided to give them Amy Winehouse do's.

If you'd like to try out Premium Picnik just leave a comment and I will randomly draw two winners and announce them on Wednesday. You could give me a caption for the above photo. Or tell me if you too seem to have blood shot eyes after you get out of the shower. Or tell me what you think the right age is for children to cut their own meals with a knife because I have no idea.

Bottled Up

2008-02-28T13:16:00.003-05:00

I took all my thoughts and put them into a bottle. It was floating in the ocean until a giant whale came along and swallowed it. They now sit idle in a whale's belly. Sorry whale for causing you indigestion or constipation.

I have been fighting the urge to put everything into draft mode and go quietly into the night but that would not be conducive to having more fun with some of my favourite people. Plus I'm thinking of Posey.

Here's to hoping that regular posting will resume in good time.

A Loaf of Bread, a Container of Milk and a Stick of Butter

2008-02-20T17:34:00.000-05:00

This is what happens when I should join in on Wordless Wednesday but instead go the route of rambling. It seems that I am slightly manic. I have a persistent, mild headache that feels like I have drank thirty cups of coffee on two hours of sleep. Not so.

I am feeling the itch for something new. I need to mix in spice. There is a fiery craving for change. I imagine this is the state that drove Britney to shave her head. It is a good thing I am not in need of rehab.

I desperately need to switch to the unappetizing "KH diet" while hitting the gym for intense workouts for the next twenty days straight but that is not likely to happen. I will be breaking out the summery clothes in Austin for SXSW. It will be a sweet change of scenery especially being that it will not stop snowing in Toronto. Every time I venture outside it is snowing. Right now… Snowing.

I took the girls grocery shopping on Monday and then we went to rent a pony video because I obviously enjoy strange forms of torture even though I protest loudly. There was a special moment that I etched to my memory as I held each of their small hands and made our way walking in the freshly falling fluffy snow.

I let them torment Colin with the pony escapades while I cooked dinner. We ate our plateful of creamy carbs and then the girls helped me make mini blueberry muffins for room nine's bake sale. Strawberry topped each muffin with an extra blueberry chanting, "One for me, one for the muffin." I felt all warm and fuzzy. It was a splendid way to mark the first official Ontario family day!

The other thing making me smile is that within twenty four hours, ten people from all different parts of North America stopped by this post to find out how race car drivers relieve themselves. I am no authority on such matters. For the record, I personally have a bladder of steel and can go nine hours without having to make a pit stop. Of course that is only if I have not been hanging out with blogging friends pounding back beverages causing tipsiness. With that said, I would not be partaking in any race car events after that kind of fun. **No cars have actually been raced by me.

Heart Warming

2008-02-14T08:08:00.002-05:00

Oh most beautiful Internets,

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

You are always there. As if by magic, you know exactly what I need. You lift me up when I am feeling low. You wrap me in comfort with acceptance. I am never alone because somewhere out there you are sitting and staring back at the glow of a computer screen. Somehow you stumbled your way here and then sometimes you even make your back!

For that I give you my undying love.

xoxo...

That makes me feel a bit dirty. What is this blog turning into? Oh my!

Okay, this one is a little more heartwarming.

I am Canadian

2008-02-13T00:52:00.004-05:00

The bitter cold, drifting snow turned my fifteen minute drive home into a ninety minute stressful, snow rage, cursing session.

Moondial

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It's Not Always Smiles and Giggles

2008-02-12T01:37:00.000-05:00

First things first. Thank you to everyone who left the most awesome, thoughtful, intelligent comments on my last post. The understanding and support that this medium holds amazes me. I colour the people that come by my little spot happy shades because you all brighten my blue.

There is certainly enough guilt to go around for everyone. I am over thinking things. If I wasn't thinking, I would be exercising and that would just be frightful.

Now on to new business... Have you seen Jon and Kate Plus 8? They have twin six-year-old daughters and a set of sextuplets that are three. They have eight times the madness. Eight is enough. No actually eight is unimaginable. They have a remarkably clean house and even more wondrous is that they get all the children dressed and they leave the house. They go out! I get tired just thinking about it. Not to mention that they have a camera crew recording the daily insanity. I would lose.my.mind. I'm in awe. I have huge admiration for these parents.

A few more of us and we could rule the roost!

There are days when two parents and two children leave us feeling matched. Other days make me wish to become octopus like and grow eyes in the back of my head. Negotiating with two in public can drain you faster than a keg at fraternity party. However nothing can stop a Mom About Town. Metro Mama has given me a prime slot to share a day out in the city.

I can barely lift my arms to the keyboard. It seems that walking around the Science Centre taking turns holding our daughters is a great work out. Before heading over to KidSpark, we thought we would tour through the Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition.

Continue reading here...

Over Scheduled

2008-02-06T19:55:00.000-05:00

Children love routine so I cannot figure out why the daycare drop-off is incredibly difficult. The tears shed could fill an ocean. It is not just the goodbye moment either. I have witnessed other parents dealing with the uncontrollable tantrums upon arriving at daycare. The mom losing her patience quickly asking her child what is wrong. I give the empathy smile and make a swift exit. Move along. There is nothing to see.

I know that ours is a good daycare and that the crying does not stem from a bigger problem. Of course children want to be with their parents but even more so I know that my children would prefer to be lounging around the house in their pajamas, playing with their own toys and watching a marathon of cartoons.

Once again I am afraid that in some circumstances I may be spoiling my children. I might be letting them get away with more because I do not have the ability to be with them for most of the day. When it comes right down to it, I know I carry working mom guilt. I am afraid of all the time that I am losing out on that I can never get back. The tears are little confirmation markers that me feel like I am making the wrong choices.

Yet the days when they happily skip away to join their group also leave a hole in my heart. Toddlers are not supposed to be independent. Please don't get me wrong. I do want my children to be well adjusted but I also want them to prefer spending their days with me. I also want myself to be a well adjusted person. After living three decades not as a mother it is hard to morph out of everything else into a full on parenting role.

The weekends are mighty short. The down time I need to regroup and gain strength to carry through another week while I jam pack in family time flies by. Work days are too long. Weekends are too short. Could this be another balancing act in wanting to have it all?

If I pulled them out of daycare and became a stay at home parent, the level of care that they are given would go down. I cannot do the same job that the current teams of workers provide. They have kitchen staff that prepares a variety of healthy lunches and snacks. They have scheduled indoor and outdoor activities. They have a zillion art projects. They have interaction and socialization with children in their age group. I most certainly am not the overachiever that could organize this as a daily occurrence.

Maybe the reason for the crying is because it is human nature to want to spend our time with less structure and more room for relaxation. There are mornings where I have struggled not to burst into tears at the thought of the work load that lies ahead of me. As we are adults we learn to push that feeling aside because there are expectations put on us. Are organized toddler activities pushing our children into the work world too soon?

When we are a family unit I let them have a little too much TV and give in to their requests for treats too often. Does this make them value listlessness? Will my desire to work, make my children lazy? Am I over thinking this because I wish I could spend more time with them? Am I worried about this because that just comes with parenting?

Parents of children in less structured daycares and homecare please let me know if you too experience irrepressible sobbing on many mornings long after you have established a routine.

Problem Solving

2008-02-04T19:20:00.000-05:00

Strawberry sat at the table eyeing the cheeseburger on her plate.

"Mom. This burger is so big."

"Would you like to me cut it into smaller pieces?"

"No, I need a bigger head."

*******************

I am discussing things that are on my shopping list over at Pop Rocks.

Oooh, Baby, Baby

2008-02-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

Oh the fun we have
Sing Push it, Push it real good
Over and over.

It's the master plan
Who knew 1986
Would get the job done?

Here in the bathroom
We sit and sing a plenty
Cause it's potty time!

Sure I am still beating myself up about being a failure and yet I am singing in the bathroom, because that's how I roll. I am looking forward to being done with diapers. Potty on my friends...

Letdown

2008-01-31T14:28:00.000-05:00

As per usual we have another hectic morning. I never cease to be disappointed in myself when I glance at the clock in the dash of my car as I pull out of the garage.

Late again.

My only explanation is that we travel through a time warp tunnel as we walk from the house to the garage. I lose ten minutes in those fifteen steps. We arrive at Strawberry's school and get hit by the buttery scent of popcorn.

Popcorn day.

Why don't they include this information on the monthly calendar that they hand out? There must be a reason I have it on my fridge next to my children's artwork, photos and worthless lottery tickets.

I reach into my jacket pocket to give Strawberry my change. I am hoping for fifty cents but I only feel crumpled tissues. My other jacket has the coins that I need. My purse is left behind in the car. Strawberry's big round eyes look up to me with heartbreak. She knows that her mom can't provide the goods. I had given her change a while back so in a last ditch attempt we go through her jacket pockets. There we discover a handful of pebbles and one penny.

I'm sorry.

Her body droops and she slowly inches towards her classroom defeated. Her sadness weighs me down. While it's only popcorn, it feels like overwhelming disappointment all because of me.

The person that she depends on.

Pure Beef Dessert

2008-01-30T00:32:00.000-05:00

If strawberry and banana flavored, all beef jello doesn't make you want to become a vegetarian, then I don't know.

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On Rarity and Pretty Pop

2008-01-29T02:01:00.000-05:00

This weekend I took the girls to wander around a department store so that Colin could spend some time working in our garage on yet another busted car CD player. I found the advertised frying pan that was sixty six percent off and then headed to the DVD section to look for the least mind numbing children's show that we could watch forty thousand times consecutively. It turned out that the only thing that peaked their interest were My Little Pony movies. I hightailed it to the toy section with promises to expand their collection so I wouldn't have to suffer through the saccharin escapades that include evil songs from the dark side. I've had "My Little Pony, Is full of baloney" stuck in my head for days now.

Pony from something blue on Vimeo.
Why not fill up your pretty head with a little song?

I try not to buy toys and treats every time we leave the house in fear of raising Veruca Salt. We have warned them that if they get everything that they want, the squirrels will determine that they are bad nuts and toss them aside. There is nothing like installing a bit of fear of small, wild animals to keep your children in line. That didn't prevent Strawberry from having a mini meltdown deciding which pony she wanted to add to her collection.

I am thankful that I am not made of money because I have a hard time not buying everything that they fancy. I have a habit of stockpiling toys for gifts. I put many items in closets for future celebrations and pat myself on the back that my daughters will have more values than the Hilton sisters. Before Christmas, Strawberry spied a play veterinarian kit in our basement. This was how it came to be the present she gave to her little sister.

Somehow Buttercup has decided that these medicals tools are actually for being a tattoo artist. She has given me dozens of imaginary tattoos which is a hundred percent more than I currently have. Mamatulip asked me back in November if I had any tattoos when I was looking for content for NaBloPoMo. Obviously I am easily distracted. This mild diversion reminds me that the Ring Toss was a gift from my mother-in-law.

I did go to a tattoo parlor last year with some ideas and talked to an artist but I never went back in to get inked. I don't know if it's because I am not sure exactly what I want on my body. (Forever… which is a mighty long time.) Plus I am not sure about placement. There is not an area of my body that I necessarily want to draw attention to. I remain a blank canvass for my daughters to practice creating sleeves of many a multicoloured prancing Pegasus and dancing unicorn.

Under Covers

2008-01-24T08:37:00.000-05:00

There is so much
that is right in the world,
But there is too much that is wrong.
I need to search for beauty
To lose myself in song.
I am adequately grateful
for the things within my reach
Yet I'm caught up
in longing for more.
While an abundance
could bring brief smiles,
I think this heavy blanket
would still be hard to shake.

Artwork

2008-01-22T17:45:00.000-05:00

The reason I have a hard time letting go of the compact disc is because I am a visual person. I love artwork! While this goes against the don't judge a book by its cover idea, I have been known to go into record stores and snatch up some new artists based on CD covers. We have fallen in love with some cool bands because of the method to my madness.

When I saw this witty post by Ewe Are Here, I knew this was going to be a fun diversion!

By looking at the artwork below, which of these four CD's would you choose for your listening pleasure?

Original photo by スロ

I imagine Gurla Mandhata would have a heavy melodic rock sound. They would gain their popularity by touring with the Deftones, Incubus and Tool.

Original photo by emverdonk

Vernonia is a mainstream singer/songwriter type artist. The lead singer is a favourite with the ladies especially after their sexy video is featured in high rotation.

Original photo by moominsean

This is a punk rock album but RSAM would top the charts twice. The first would be with their anthem hit and of course their second single would be a ballad.

Original photo by flowers for Brei

They launched their career on MySpace with over a million plays of their first single before they even signed a record deal. (I can't believe how much this one turned out to look like American Thighs.)

This was so much fun that I am passing it on. Don Mills Diva, Motherbumper, Jenny The Bloggess and my guy over at Pop Rocks - you are it! By all means, please go on and join the fun. Let me know if you do, as I would love to see your creation.

The meme rules **:

1. The first title on this page is the name of your band.

2. The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album. Click the "New Random Quotations" button for more.

3. The third picture on this page will be your album cover. You then take the photo and add your band name and the album title to it, then post your picture. Please don't forget to give credit.

** This is rock and roll. Rules are made to be broken!

Expanding Our Family

2008-01-21T08:39:00.000-05:00

It is babies, babies and more babies in 2008. Our family is growing!

Our Jewel Cichlids are doing all the breeding in our house but that is not the case for mothergoosemouse. Her virtual baby shower is happening today!

As we both have two daughters, our lives have probably resembled each others, a mix of pink and purple ponies and princesses. Julie will soon have something baby blue, the adoration of a beautiful boy.

The only real advice that I can offer to you on your third child is don't eat your small fry. I have been watching our fish gobble up many of their babies. It seems their offspring make a nice snack. To say that I find this disturbing is an understatement.

Soon your daughters can help dress up their little brother in cute outfits. They will share their hilarious humour. Your home is sure to be filled with laughter and love and that is the best kind of home that there is!

Timeless Fun

2008-01-16T20:38:00.000-05:00

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Fly Like An Eagle

2008-01-11T08:37:00.000-05:00

I hide in bloglines

when it is delurking day.

Is it safe to surf?

But next time around

I promise to leave my mark

With just: "I was here!"

I can't spare a square

I am stuck in deadline hell

Time keeps on slippin...

With 131 feeds and 111 subscriptions, I am very likely reading your blog. It's a case of too much reading and not enough commenting. I will work on this. Pinky swear. If only I could buy time. I can't bring myself to unsubscribe to anyone. Do you edit your reading list regulary? Mine keep growing and growing probably until my head explodes.

The Cup is Half Empty

2008-01-07T21:29:00.000-05:00

You know what sucks? Well besides the obvious things like disease, poverty, global warming and war. It sucks when you are a blogger with nothing to say. I feel the pressure to get something new up in bluedom because what will the three people that visit think if I go this long with nothing? But I have nothing. I am officially wasting your time, which is precious, and I really like you and I don't want to bore you with run on sentences about zilch. You'd think November would have taught me a few tricks.

Of course there is always unbloggable drama. That would be the hazards of telling other people's stories. It could be that I focus on their commotion so that I don't have to concentrate on my own. Looking at their mess distracts me from reflecting inward.

So all in all, I'm a disaster with no funny antidotes on life.

However I did throw away all the junk that was cluttering my kitchen table.

It's sad that I have to take the Christmas tree down tonight when it's Ukrainian Christmas. (Not that I actually celebrate it other than stuffing myself full of perogies.) The last day for tree pick up is tomorrow. Oh, woe is me.

The Last Moments of 2007

2008-01-01T12:20:00.000-05:00

A couple hours before midnight the girls in their pj's and mommy with her Strongbow, decided to delay bedtime by practicing our New Year's countdown on video. The girls ran to our front door, sang songs and used their outside voices!

Last Moments of 2007 from something blue on Vimeo.

I would have posted this last ~~year~~ night but I've been having technical difficulties. That was after I smashed my head into the ceiling. Nothing like starting off the new year with a mild concussion. Just so you don't think I was demonstrating the incorrect method of head banging, I was actually leaning over the banister to give some clothes to go into the wash and when I went back up the stairs I saw stars.

Making it to the other side of midnight was a challenge. I fell asleep after reading three stories to Strawberry but Colin came to check on me. Being truly geeky, I uploaded photos while I created the video and twittered. Oh yes, I wrote Happy New Year at the stroke of midnight before kissing the husband. I'm not exactly in his good books.

Speaking of books, that is my 70% realistic resolution for the year. I am going to spend more time reading the novels that have been collecting dust around here.

Happy New Year friends! I wish you health, happiness, success, contentment and overflowing buckets of love in 2008...

Secret Agents

2007-12-28T17:37:00.000-05:00

Hey, look way up! I think we've been Motherbumpered.

Ooooh-weee! I could stare at this new design for hours. Hmmm... Mom seems to have a soft spot for 70's wallpaper. This retro thing she's got going on sure is pretty. Strawberry, are we children of the zero's?

No, I'd prefer to call this the decade of the double O's. That's secret agent code.

What do you think Buttercup? Does my princess disguise work better now or what?

Blue Christmas

2007-12-25T12:58:00.000-05:00

The tree got decorated last night. Only three ornaments were broken!

I obsessed over a martini shaker of nogtinis.

My daycare has a great sense of humour. They turned Buttercup into an angel.

Hope you and yours have a very, merry Christmas!

High Strung Cheer

2007-12-20T07:29:00.000-05:00

It's not the Christmas lights that are high strung upon the roof. No that would refer to me. I am frazzled and dazed as one of the most anticipated times of the year zooms full on at warped speed.

There is so much to do and not enough time to do it. I don’t want to rush through the motions. My lofty goal was to enjoy the season and create some lasting memories. I took the girls to Casa Loma to decorate gingerbread houses. I was flustered, unable to successfully manage the craft with both Strawberry and Buttercup. I am sure they lined their tummies with a thin layer of decorating glue. Thankfully Kittenpie had come along and helped me immensely with an extra shirt for Buttercup after she some how managed to spill her juice on her shoulder. Kittenpie also brought some of her beautiful puppets to entertain our girls as we waited in line to watch a performance of A Christmas Carol.

How could I possibly be creating new rituals and lasting memories when I am barely able to hold it together. When we left, a chunk of my poof ball hair got caught in the car door and the strap of my purse was wrapped in my scarf. I struggled not to throw myself into a snow bank with the gusto of a toddler's tantrum.

On Tuesday, we went to Strawberry's first school Christmas concert. The Kindergarten performances turned me into an emotional basket case. It took every ounce of personal strength not to let tears of joy stream down my cheeks. Buttercup did burst into tears as soon as intermission began. I think she may have been upset that she did not get a chance to go on stage to sing songs.

With only five more sleeps until the big day, we have yet to get a tree. The shopping is not nearly finished. Only half the usual number of cards were mailed. Packages have to be shipped. Songs will be sung. Gifts will be wrapped. I imagine many cups of cheer will be sipped so that I can remember to relax, breathe and enjoy the happiness that is buried under the stress.

Dear Santa

2007-12-13T02:27:00.000-05:00

Thirteen things that our daughters are hoping will be under the tree.

1. A doll house. The one with the disco ball and the elevator!

2. Barbies

3. Movies

4. My Little Ponies

5. Crayons

6. Leapster

7. Groovy girls

8. Play-Doh

9. A Backyardigans Game

10. Martian Smash

11.Hot Wheels

12. Books

13. Candy canes!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens :

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Naughty or Nice?

2007-12-07T12:22:00.000-05:00

Hey you! Where are you going?

Oh yes. (Insert long drawn out sigh) The dreaded mall to buy presents.

The best part is stopping to get a gingerbread latte.

No, I haven't made my lists yet. I have got to cherish the small serving of spontaneity in my life. It keeps it fresh.

So what if my brother in law is unwrapping energy saving light bulbs. That's right. I light up your life.

Of course there are eighteen more shopping days. Maybe the perfect present is waiting to be ordered online.

We all have someone who is super hard to shop for. They have everything. Whether it is your in-laws or Paris Hilton, there is a perfect gift out there. This one is nondenominational and it is 100% guaranteed. Why not splurge on package 2? We all want access to "VIP exclusive areas including the Land of Milk and Honey." It says that space is limited. I'm wondering what the capacity is?

This gift will last an eternity. It's the thought that counts.

I'm ready for my latte...

Magical

2007-12-05T07:21:00.000-05:00

While he bore no resemblance to Brad Pitt he was a gentle, merry soul. There was no disputing that he had flown in from the North Pole with that real white beard. He leaned over and asked Strawberry what she wants for Christmas.

"A house."

Visions of Ty Pennington arriving with the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition crew danced in my head but I felt the need to clarify on her behalf, "A doll house."

He then turned to Buttercup however she genuinely was overwhelmed with shyness. With great wisdom he suggested that she might like Dora and her eyes lit up. He then asked if they both like surprises. Strawberry said yes while Buttercup nodded in agreement. It was time for a quick photo followed by candy canes and colouring books!

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A Melting Pot

2007-12-04T12:36:00.000-05:00

I like headlines. My Google Reader is filled with clever news snippets that peak my interest. I know by reading them which one is going to leave me repulsed, saddened, shocked or feeling warm and fuzzy. I admit that often the human interest pieces are my favourite. I did a quick tour of the news today and these are the topics that made me go hmmmm…

Of Canada's thirty one million people, twenty percent of them were born outside of Canada. What amazes me more is that the foreign-born proportion of the population is at its highest in 75 years. You'd think 1933 would have 2007 beat but no. According to the statistics, over a half a million people have settled in Ontario within the last five years. The media spins this as beneficial in replacing the baby boomers in the workforce.

December has arrived with a flurry of snow storms and of course a flurry of holiday parties. Little did I know that as the joy of the season warms my heart three sizes larger, it also threatens to weaken my heart. December and January are the deadliest months for heart disease. This is caused by an excess of rich meals, more alcohol and extra stress. I had no clue that a heavy meal that is high in fat, immediately stresses the heart as it is digested. Many people pass off heart pain as indigestion when they should be getting to a hospital.

It seems Hollywood knows which side their bread is buttered on and it is with the over thirty five A-List celebrities. 44 year old Johnny Depp scored $92 million in 2007 while Nicole Kidman, 40, brought home $28 million. Pretty boys Brad Pitt, 43 and George Clooney, 46, are major forces among the A-listers. In this ever evolving youth driven market, it would be nice to see the media react by shifting standards to embrace midlife instead of unrealistically push to preserve a twenty something appearance.

A new study suggests that a teaspoon of honey before bed could calm children's coughs and therefore help them sleep better. However honey is not recommended for infants as it might contain the toxins that cause botulism.

The too good to be true Canadian dollar has slipped down to 98.88 cents U.S. I better go stock up on magazines before they start charging the Canadian price again. I can't wait to skim more headlines!

Will Blog For Bananas

2007-11-30T23:47:00.000-05:00

Last year this time I was giddy and singing.

"Everyday, everyday, everyday I write the blog."

This year I am relieved.

I have to say I have been whipping some of these late night posts out with zero brainpower and I am afraid it shows. Badly. Seriously I should have hired a monkey.

My favourite posts this month that likely got lost among the filler were an ode to Buttercup, pondering marriage and of course a video of our girls wish lists from the big guy, the one and only person who has the power to get them to put their toys away. That's right. Santa won't bring any more toys if they are not all put away nice and tidy. I have to make that work for at least forty five days a year.

Probably the best thing I wrote this month was one of the rare comments that I left:

"Most children are afraid of Santa. There is something about that jolly man with his white beard and red suit that is scary. On the other hand, children from around the world flock to Brad Pitt. I say we change the image of Santa to Brad Pitt. Women will be lining up from coast to coast to sit on his lap."

This was in response to this post.

Now that December is upon us, I will concentrate on getting more intelligent thought on to this page. Hopefully it will occur a little more regularly but obviously it is something that cannot be forced.

An extra special thank you to those that continue to pay me a visit and ooey, gooey sweet cookies to those that leave me a few words. I am forever in debt to you!

By the way, I don't even like bananas.

Holiday Style

2007-11-29T23:52:00.000-05:00

I take great pleasure in the romance of Christmas. Decorating the tree, baking cookies, holiday parties, Christmas carols, family gatherings, greeting cards, wrapping presents, and on and on...

Another fun aspect to the season is dressing our daughters in holiday party outfits! During a recent trip to Costco, I came across some fancy dresses. I picked out two and held them up for Colin's approval. Immediately he refused. He hated them. Colin is one of those dads with a strong opinion on fashion. In one sense it is great because he has come home with some adorable clothing items for the girls but I still find it strange when he vetoes some of my picks.

He has decided that our daughters will not wear black, shiny dresses. I protested that this is typical holiday wear for toddlers. He feels that they look Italian. Well fashion guru husband, what do Scandinavian, Irish, Scottish, English, German, Polish, Ukrainian Canadians wear for the holidays? Italian fashion designers want to know.

Photo Booth

2007-11-28T00:36:00.000-05:00

Here you will find me striking a pose at the Dove Party at BlogHer '07 in Chicago with super models the Chocolaty Birthday girl and Motherbumper! Let's just say that glass of red wine was not a prop.

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Mama Rocks

2007-11-27T23:44:00.000-05:00

Today I am over at Pop Rocks!

We all know that children say some incredibly entertaining things. It is only appropriate that celebrities that entertain us would likely have some great wisdom to share. I have found ten random quotes that have given me something to ponder...

"The less you know, the more you believe." - Bono

...keep reading Intellect without the Melody

Hush Hush

2007-11-26T23:52:00.000-05:00

Ever since Strawberry was about fifteen months old she has always been shy around others outside of our home. She will cling to me for the first half hour of any family gathering until she warms up to her surroundings. Buttercup has been taking notes. Now anytime she doesn't want to do something she lowers her eyes and coos I'm too shy.

It's time for supper.

I'm too shy.

Let's get you in the bathtub.

I'm too shy.

All evening I have had Kajagoogoo's "Too Shy" stuck in my head.

100% sociable, bashful, extrovert and working us.

Snap

2007-11-25T23:58:00.000-05:00

We took a roll of wrapping paper and created a backdrop. Then we added two sugar infused, cranky pants girls and tried to create a holiday picture. We used every trick in the book.

Come on! Santa wants to see you smile.

Then we put on some music and bribed them with Smarties.

Merry, Merry 2007!

I am still not set that this is the photo. I was getting a glare from the lighting on the shiny paper and that hair in Buttercup's face is driving me mad. I may attempt another photo session when they are in happier spirits because I like to inflict pain upon myself. You can see the professional 2006 photos here and this year's multiple outtakes over here.

The Contract of Marriage

2007-11-24T23:51:00.000-05:00

Bavarian politician, Gabriele Pauli, proposed that marriages should expire after seven years. At first when I read the headline in the newspaper I scoffed at the absurdity. While this theory does promote the idea of divorce, I think there might be a secret to happiness that lies within it.

She suggested that after seven years couples should agree to extend their marriage or it should automatically dissolve. This concept actually makes sense to me. Most people would consider indefinite legal contracts to be unfair and unreasonable. Looking at marriage like it is just a contract is dreary. However knowing a decision has to be made in seven years would encourage couples to keep the romance alive. It might make people work harder at maintaining a good relationship.

The institution of marriage has received the reputation of being like a prison with your spouse being your ball and chain. Commitment phobia is a well-known phenomenon. The 'M' word was forbidden from my language during my twenties.

Traditionalists would oppose this concept but if the government worked in a tax break for couples that renewed their marriage contract then it would further encourage long term marriages.

If nothing else there would certainly be more parties!

Nineteen more months?

Sorry

2007-11-23T22:38:00.000-05:00

All I want is sleep
Could be getting a virus

NaBloPoMo low.

If I ever get around to it, next up is why good marriages end. A thinky post that is too hard to come up with when your brain is completely turned off. Surely three sentences should not be such torture for you and me.

Sigh

2007-11-22T23:12:00.000-05:00

I am thankful that not every day is as crappy as today has been. I am thankful that today is over and now I can go to bed. Sleep tight internets.

what flavor of pie are you?

blueberry pie

you love yourself but not in a bad way. you know when to indulge but also when to stop

Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

Fire Dance

2007-11-21T00:55:00.001-05:00

While I love having Thanksgiving in October, I always find myself envious of Americans a month later. I am ready for a holiday and a feast. Eat some pie for me.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Enquiring Minds

2007-11-20T17:30:00.000-05:00

Kyla wants to know my personal theme song.
I believe that love brings true happiness so I guess "All You Need Is Love" by The Beatles should be my theme song.

It seems my other two readers do not have any questions. They likely come here to find out if today is the day that I am taken away to the nice place with the padded walls. Not yet my friends. Not yet. However the window of opportunity has now closed.

I will be asking the questions from now on!

Is it just me or do those Ontario government emergency survival kit commercials have you spooked? It feels like Y2K all over again. I want to know if you have a survival kit. Do you think they are trying to prepare us for an emergency because they know something that we don't? Please share any conspiracy theories!

Do you think they have received threatening messages from far away alien life force? Do you think Canadian weatherologists have been able to determine horrible storms will soon hit our country? Do you think they have begun to prepare us for Nostradamus's predictions? Is there room in Tom Cruises' shelter? How many boxes of cereal will I purchase? Do you think I will look good in that white jacket?

Luckily I already have a good supply of chocolate and vodka.

Surely I have given you something to expand on. Fill my comment box before it is too late...

8 x Fun - Hassle

2007-11-19T16:48:00.000-05:00

Gabriella tagged me in the crazy eight meme.

Eight Things I am Passionate About
My daughters, my husband and my extended family
Friendships
Music
Writing
Photography
Film
Travel
Food

Eight Things I Say Often
Fooheart (This is my official swear word.)
Oh no. We're going to be late.
I'll have another coffee.
I better not. (As in have another coffee.)
It is my turn on the computer. (Our desktop is no longer an option so Colin and I must share the laptop.)
Strawberry says, "Guess what?" I answer, "What?" She replies, "Nothing." We giggle.
You can have a treat after supper.
It's not sorcery. (I don't really say this but my coworker is trying to make this popular.)

Eight Books I've Read Recently, or that are currently ~~collecting dust~~ waiting to be read
The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards
Anybody Out There by Marian Keyes
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
Citizen Girl by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Child Star by Matt Thorne
Eleanor Rigby by Douglas Coupland
Love & Death: The Murder of Kurt Cobain by Max Wallace and Ian Halperin

Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die
This is the hardest question for me. I guess I now realize that I am living life daily without real goals that maybe other people have. I just want to continue to enjoy life.
Travel to new locations
Eat delicious meals
Watch films and read books that inspire and entertain
See my children grow, fall in love and accomplish their dreams
Love my husband for the man that he is
Spend time with good friends
Continue to learn about life
Have a clean house for more than one day in a row

Eight Songs I Can Listen To Over and Over
"Yellow Ledbetter" by Pearl Jam
"Heaven or Las Vegas" by Cocteau Twins
"Not Myself" by John Mayer
"DARE" by Gorillaz
"Together" by The Raconteurs
"Drown" by Smashing Pumpkins
"Walking After You" The Foo Fighters
"Heartbeat" by Tahiti 80

Eight Things That Attract Me to My Friends
A kindred spirit
Common sense
Dependability
Common interests
Modesty
Confidence
Cleverness
Humour

Eight Things I Learned In the Past Year
Money is disappearing faster.
I am not the risk taker that I once was.
I need to do more for the environment.
That routine bores me silly.
That time is escaping me.
That procrastination is making me feel guilty.
I should be learning something.
Britney Spears needs some serious help.

I am guessing the eighth question is where I am supposed include eight bloggers to ~~harass~~ tag. Instead ask me a question in the comments. I'll answer it tomorrow with a link back to you!

Hiding the Happiness

2007-11-18T21:51:00.000-05:00

To keep the masses content before things got started, the clowns barreled down the street handing out Cadbury Mini Eggs by the truckload. The excitement completely overwhelmed me. I fought back tears of joy. My daughters used deep concentration to focus on the chocolate treat. My husband, who was with us, thinks I have lost it. These are the days.

'Tis The Season

2007-11-17T23:28:00.000-05:00

Standing around the water cooler on Friday, the conversation, which of course was focused on weekend plans, landed on the Santa Claus Parade.

While 1500 people are marching and more than half a million people line Toronto's streets, another profession is experiencing a boom in business. One of the guys in my office heard an interview on the radio with a call girl who proclaimed that the Santa Claus Parade is the busiest time of the year for women in her line of work. It seems that moms are taking the children to the parade while dads are taking care of some personal business. Ho ho ho. It brings a whole new meaning to being jolly.

Colin's talking about cover songs over at Pop Rocks.

Here is one of my favourites.

Twenty Eight

2007-11-16T23:37:00.000-05:00

To my little peanut Buttercup,

Twenty eight months ago you changed my world by making your grand appearance. The love I have for you is endless. In fact everyone around you falls head over heals for you. It is an easy thing to do because you show your affection in leaps and bounds.

You embrace me often with strong, full on squeeze hugs. You want to keep everyone happy and show concern for others. When you are upset, everyone knows because you feel emotions with deep intensity.

As I have watched your personality enlarge, I can't help but think you are incredibly like me. We most certainly share similar interests. You are my girlie girl with a strong maternal instinct and a passion for music. I love to listen to you sing and watch you get your groove on.

At your age, your big sister had a strong aversion to dresses while you demand them. I have had to purchase many because I obviously did not have enough. Smart girl! You found a way to get around those hand me downs.

Your daycare was overwhelmingly impressed with how quickly you knew all the other children's names. You could even pronounce them all. That is not an easy thing to do with the names that were given in 2005. I am awed with your social skills. Your aura draws others to you. Even your big sisters friends are enamored with you.

You adore Strawberry and hate to be parted from her. The bond that I have seen between you and her makes my heart balloon up and lifts me off my feet.

Lately your favourite things to say are "I did it!" and "That's me!" with enormous pride. You use your signature phrase "Whaaaaaaaat?" at anything that excites you.

I cannot believe how fast these twenty eight months have gone by. My baby has turned into a little girl.

xoxo...

Money Goes

2007-11-15T07:44:00.000-05:00

Thirteen things I have or will be spending money on.

1. Vanilla Bean Natural Oven Roasted Almonds - I bought some in California and can't find them in Canada yet. They are so delicious. Please Canadian grocers, contact Blue Diamond today!

2. Metromint - It is water and real mint. This drink contains no sugars and no sweeteners. It is refreshing beverage boasting the many natural health benefits of mint and it comes in a cool bottle.

3. Sheppard Girls headbands. - These vintage inspired stylish headbands are great for hiding roots.

4. Mothergoosemouse's Etsy shop - i feel pretty... oh so pretty - She makes beautiful hair clips for little girls. It will be the perfect accent for their holiday outfits.

5. Magic Blogging Pills - They are only $9.99 a bottle. I'm taking orders now.

6. Both sparkly and orange Play-Doh - Santa asked me to run an errand or two.

7. Quickpay Tim Card - Tim Hortons does not allow payment by debit card and I never seem to have cash. I most certainly require coffee.

8. Red Bicyclette - Sandra introduced me to this French wine.

9. Children's Tylenol - Buttercup has been fighting a fever.

10. Good Earth Original Sweet & Spicy Tea - When I'm not drinking water, coffee or wine, I'll have a nice cup of tea. It's good to stay hydrated.

11. Tickets for Trail of Dead, The Backyardigans - Quest for the Extra Ordinary Aliens and Elves in the Workshop.

12. New music - Echos Silence Patience & Grace - Foo Fighters, Chase This Light -Jimmy Eat World, Coco - Colbie Caillat, As I Am - Alicia Keys, Black & White Album - The Hives, In Rainbows - Radiohead...

13. Lottery Tickets - If the sales on the magic blogging pills don't take off, I'll need to find another way to pay for all my purchases.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens :

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Vanilla Blueberry Granola Delight

2007-11-14T10:22:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wednesday
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Stop This Crazy Train

2007-11-13T21:12:00.000-05:00

The women's washroom is a place that holds many stories. It is bizarre how walking through those doors can instantly change relationships. Some women become best friends with anyone that shares a couple minutes of interaction. The exchange of secrets, gossip and sometimes tears are all typical confidential commotion. This has to be one of the biggest differences between men and women.

The office washroom is a necessary escape after chain drinking coffee. I usually practice the quick no nonsense approach. I avoid chitchat, as that can be risky, not knowing who could be in another stall. I was washing my hands today while a woman from a different organization was primping. We were not engaging in conversation. All of sudden she broke the silence by singing one line of a song. I couldn't help but smile when I heard "Your body is a wonderland." She then carried on like it had never happened.

Do you think she was channeling John Mayer? Wrap that boy up and put a bow on him.

Sweetness

2007-11-12T23:56:00.000-05:00

A misty day means that my hair was bound to frizz. Still the warmth in the November air and the grayness was romantic.

Driving home I saw a captivating sight of an open umbrella positioned in a second floor window. It felt like there was some kind of hidden meaning in the view being that it was raining outside but the umbrella was open on the inside. I wish I could have stopped my car to take a picture of it.

I got to spend time with a good friend that I don't get to see nearly enough. She took me out for sushi and we were given complimentary deep fried bananas. Yum.

Then we caught a private showcase of the "Bubbly" Colbie Caillat.

It was a wonderful day.

Me No Wanna Play

2007-11-11T23:47:00.000-05:00

Every possible creative thought has vacated the premises. In truth, it is the complete lack of energy I have to write any of the topics that I have stored away for this month. I can't expel the brainpower to put together cohesive sentences.

I had fallen asleep and I was trying to pull myself out of the haze. My eyes felt glued shut. I could barely move my slumbering self as my brain raced, pretending to write today's post. It was like when you know you have to go to the bathroom but don't want to wake up so you dream you've gone to the bathroom.

Sweet husband pulled out a bag of dark M&M's to entice me. I'm popping the colourful candy like it's a magic blogging pill. At this rate I will soon require a whole new wardrobe.

Here is where you insert comments telling me to give up NaBloPoMo because I'm boring you to tears.

Wait! Let me offer you this. Sensitive Dave will make it all better.

Professing My Love

2007-11-10T23:40:00.000-05:00

Every day I wake up with you on my mind.
I cherish every moment that I hold you close.
If I'm having a bad day, I fix it by escaping to you.
When I'm cold, you fill me with warmth.
Oh how I love you.
I don't mind when you keep me up all night long...
I had no idea how much I relied on you until today.
We were kept apart and I couldn't function.
I know I share my addiction for you with countless others.
But I think of our relationship as special.
I can't live without you my dear coffee.
Tomorrow we will be together again...

While I was obsessing over my lack of coffee, niloc was busy getting his pop rocks off.

Ticket Monopoly

It is pretty hard to beat a great band in a small venue when it comes to concerts. The sound beats any arena. You can actually see the band members perform and usually there is a much greater interaction between the stage and the crowd.

…And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead are coming back to Toronto. Yes, they have a bizarre name but they always give a very theatrical performance of their own brand of indie rock. They have always performed in various clubs but this show coming up will be the most intimate show yet. I had to get tickets. After calling a good buddy and my brother I then started out to find tickets.

Typically I always try the independent record stores first. In Toronto we have Rotate This!, Sonic Temple and Soundscapes. These stores are usually staffed by cool and knowledgeable employees, far better than any big chain store. So after work I hit Queen West and run into Rotate This! and ask for four Trail Of Dead tickets. The guy behind the counter was surprised to hear me ask about the band. He quickly shouted to the guy in the back to check if they were selling them while digging through the box of tickets they keep under the counter. They didn’t have them. He starts to explain that this is a first and didn’t understand why they weren’t selling them. I’m already running through my options in my head and they are very quickly limited to just one… Ticketmaster.

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