Perseverance and sorrow

Self-serving, overbearing and toxic.

The disease takes hold and sabotages all that was once good. When I didn’t suspect anything she crept in to suppress without regard. How quickly it spread. Indeed I am in awe of the evil weight it possesses. Now I fear that nothing can fix these cells. Even cut out and removed, the damage cannot be reversed. It is too late.

Luckily, or not, it is not fatal. I have to live through this. It’s not getting easier. I know it won’t get easier. I greet the hungry malady with a smile because how else do I deal? Anger does not change a thing. Denial gives it authority. Accepting is defeat.

There is no solution but the questions have all been answered.

Sleepdriving away

Sitting on the ledge. Praying to be pushed over.
Drained by the sad songs that make my heart ache fiercely.
Surprised by reactions.
Stronger than I give myself credit for and I hear it in my voice as I comfort my mother.
Anger seeps in from those that hold me dear.
Frozen in fear.
The numbness dissolved by incomprehension makes the darkness intimidating. I will force myself to march or stumble through it.
Scrapes, bruises and blood.
My despondent heart will not go unscathed.