In the clouds

The small oval window holds my interest. I am absorbed.
The world is cold… frozen. The sky is empty.
Below there are vast squares and circles in shades of earth brown.
I long for another helping of clouds to admire.
Their softness spreads a blanket of sweetness and comfort.
Entranced by white fluffy mounds with peaks of blue like cotton candy meringue.
Consumed with the grand idea of jumping onto the pillow to rest my head on a cloud. The reality of falling through removed. The clouds are safe.
I dream in the pink glow from the west.
The sun slips away.
Descending into opaque darkness.
Home.

Take my heart & wrap it in a ribbon & a bow

Christmas is about bringing happiness. 

2008 will now be known as the year that Bratz dolls invaded our home.

I'm in denial so I'll be calling them rock and roll dolls. All that matters is that we have some very happy, little girls, going from toy to toy while singing songs about Rudolf, bells and mistletoe. 

The warmth of the season has filled my heart and I'll be spending the day thinking about friends and family that I don't get to see today. I'm looking forward to 2009 and the time that will bring us together. 

Drunk blogging

I found beauty in the tossed out brown, 70's couch, missing cushions, that was strewn across the sidewalk.

I looked across the street and smiled at the cheesy snowman lights that brightly lit up the second floor window.

I followed the giddy couple walking hand in hand in front of me.

The cold, night air nipped at my cheeks.

I quickly rushed home after one too many pints.

The conversation fresh in my mind with some of the bestest friends one could ever ask for.

'Tis the season!

Ballerina Rock Star

Buttercup twirled around the living room. Spinning round and round, she followed me into the kitchen. As she practiced her pirouettes, she sweetly sang “George and Paul, George and Paul.”

With glee, I gave her a standing ovation. Unfortunately I interrupted the artist and she did not take kindly to my clapping. Like the diva she was born to be, she went to admire herself pout in the reflection of the sliding glass door.

Buttercup turned back to me and asked, “Would you like to hear my angry song?”

“Yes!” I encouraged.

She marched back to the centre of the room and in her rock and roll voice she shouted, “George and Paul! George and Paul!”

I wanted to ask her what about Ringo and John but I thought it would probably be better to fill her rider requests without another incident.

Mmmmmmmm... soup

Guess what I’m not doing this year? NaBloPoMo. While torturing you with my daily posts on nothingness would be fun for me, I’ve been consumed. All I do is work… Fourteen hours feels like a short day. This leaves no time for finding somewhat interesting things to share. I miss my children and miss my friends. I miss all of you.

As many of you know the great hot tub escape has now come and gone. The details cannot be posted. It is a very good thing that there was extremely limited internet access up north because on the last evening, I was all about over sharing. My secrets were hung up on the laundry line for all to see. It was not pretty.

Last night, as I lay in bed, thoughts began forming into a blog shape. Of course they scattered into alphabet soup as I crashed. Soon I hope to have more. Until then I plan on making my rounds to visit and catch up with all of you.

Rocking the Boat

Last night I rushed home early for once because of the Canadian federal election.

I helped Buttercup put her shoes on. She was telling me about a boat.

“What kind of boat?” I asked.

“A yellow boat.” (Her favorite colour.)

“Oh a submarine!”

Off we went. The four of us went walking in the lovely fall evening. We basked in the glow of the big, round ball of a moon hanging low in the sky. The darkness was quickly taking over.

We got to the school and walked up the steps. Buttercup asked “Where’s the boat?”

“Oh no honey, not a boat. We are going to vote. But look there is a yellow sign!”

They waited patiently sitting on chairs in the busy school gym while we marked an x on the ballot. It took maybe five minutes out of our day. All done, we cut through the playground making our way home. When Buttercup realized that there was not going to be a boat she broke down in tears. Colin held her while Strawberry ran to get in two times down the slide. But Buttercup wouldn’t join in. She was heartbroken that there would be no boat.

Maybe that’s why 41% of our population did not bother to rock the vote. I hope that Americans do much better than us in their turnout to the polls. I am amazed that some people do not have an opinion or care enough about the state of their world to make their voice heard.

Circled in red

F is the worst letter of the alphabet. F is bad. We learn at a very young age to avoid it at all costs. It is creeping up and is dangling over me. I feel it.

Failure.

I can’t seem to please anyone in my life. If I can’t make anyone else happy, the idea of pleasing me becomes a foreign concept.

Lists, lists, lists… with nothing crossed off. I’m shutting down and not functioning. This is all rather boring. I turn to music to fill up my soul and clear the thoughts. I’m driving my car with the music loud. Angry at the world… Angry at myself…

There is not one thing that I am doing right. Maybe I’m setting myself up for disaster. Nightmares even haunt me while I break from the conscious. Writing this is admitting defeat and waving the white flag. It makes me more depressed.

Kittenpie once told me that I don’t write about personal information and she’s right because this is the direction that would lead me. I don’t want to come off sounding like oh woe is me. Plus I’m too incoherent because I’m too overwhelmed to go into detail. I think it is mind-numbing. Everything is wrong but nothing is wrong. I think I write this same post once a year.

I just want a break from the lists and have some focus on what I’m really supposed to be doing to be happy and content. That is so far off that I just cannot see it. Life shouldn’t be wasted under this heaviness.

I hang on tight, going in circles, feeling motion sickness from the ups and downs. The ride is too short. Is this all there is?