It's Not Always Smiles and Giggles

First things first. Thank you to everyone who left the most awesome, thoughtful, intelligent comments on my last post. The understanding and support that this medium holds amazes me. I colour the people that come by my little spot happy shades because you all brighten my blue.

There is certainly enough guilt to go around for everyone. I am over thinking things. If I wasn't thinking, I would be exercising and that would just be frightful.

Now on to new business... Have you seen Jon and Kate Plus 8? They have twin six-year-old daughters and a set of sextuplets that are three. They have eight times the madness. Eight is enough. No actually eight is unimaginable. They have a remarkably clean house and even more wondrous is that they get all the children dressed and they leave the house. They go out! I get tired just thinking about it. Not to mention that they have a camera crew recording the daily insanity. I would lose.my.mind. I'm in awe. I have huge admiration for these parents.

A few more of us and we could rule the roost!

There are days when two parents and two children leave us feeling matched. Other days make me wish to become octopus like and grow eyes in the back of my head. Negotiating with two in public can drain you faster than a keg at fraternity party. However nothing can stop a Mom About Town. Metro Mama has given me a prime slot to share a day out in the city.

I can barely lift my arms to the keyboard. It seems that walking around the Science Centre taking turns holding our daughters is a great work out. Before heading over to KidSpark, we thought we would tour through the Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition.

Continue reading here...

Over Scheduled

Children love routine so I cannot figure out why the daycare drop-off is incredibly difficult. The tears shed could fill an ocean. It is not just the goodbye moment either. I have witnessed other parents dealing with the uncontrollable tantrums upon arriving at daycare. The mom losing her patience quickly asking her child what is wrong. I give the empathy smile and make a swift exit. Move along. There is nothing to see.

I know that ours is a good daycare and that the crying does not stem from a bigger problem. Of course children want to be with their parents but even more so I know that my children would prefer to be lounging around the house in their pajamas, playing with their own toys and watching a marathon of cartoons.

Once again I am afraid that in some circumstances I may be spoiling my children. I might be letting them get away with more because I do not have the ability to be with them for most of the day. When it comes right down to it, I know I carry working mom guilt. I am afraid of all the time that I am losing out on that I can never get back. The tears are little confirmation markers that me feel like I am making the wrong choices.

Yet the days when they happily skip away to join their group also leave a hole in my heart. Toddlers are not supposed to be independent. Please don't get me wrong. I do want my children to be well adjusted but I also want them to prefer spending their days with me. I also want myself to be a well adjusted person. After living three decades not as a mother it is hard to morph out of everything else into a full on parenting role.

The weekends are mighty short. The down time I need to regroup and gain strength to carry through another week while I jam pack in family time flies by. Work days are too long. Weekends are too short. Could this be another balancing act in wanting to have it all?

If I pulled them out of daycare and became a stay at home parent, the level of care that they are given would go down. I cannot do the same job that the current teams of workers provide. They have kitchen staff that prepares a variety of healthy lunches and snacks. They have scheduled indoor and outdoor activities. They have a zillion art projects. They have interaction and socialization with children in their age group. I most certainly am not the overachiever that could organize this as a daily occurrence.

Maybe the reason for the crying is because it is human nature to want to spend our time with less structure and more room for relaxation. There are mornings where I have struggled not to burst into tears at the thought of the work load that lies ahead of me. As we are adults we learn to push that feeling aside because there are expectations put on us. Are organized toddler activities pushing our children into the work world too soon?

When we are a family unit I let them have a little too much TV and give in to their requests for treats too often. Does this make them value listlessness? Will my desire to work, make my children lazy? Am I over thinking this because I wish I could spend more time with them? Am I worried about this because that just comes with parenting?

Parents of children in less structured daycares and homecare please let me know if you too experience irrepressible sobbing on many mornings long after you have established a routine.

Problem Solving

Strawberry sat at the table eyeing the cheeseburger on her plate.

"Mom. This burger is so big."

"Would you like to me cut it into smaller pieces?"

"No, I need a bigger head."

*******************

I am discussing things that are on my shopping list over at Pop Rocks.

Oooh, Baby, Baby

Oh the fun we have
Sing Push it, Push it real good
Over and over.

It's the master plan
Who knew 1986
Would get the job done?

Here in the bathroom
We sit and sing a plenty
Cause it's potty time!

Sure I am still beating myself up about being a failure and yet I am singing in the bathroom, because that's how I roll. I am looking forward to being done with diapers. Potty on my friends...

Letdown

As per usual we have another hectic morning. I never cease to be disappointed in myself when I glance at the clock in the dash of my car as I pull out of the garage.

Late again.

My only explanation is that we travel through a time warp tunnel as we walk from the house to the garage. I lose ten minutes in those fifteen steps. We arrive at Strawberry's school and get hit by the buttery scent of popcorn.

Popcorn day.

Why don't they include this information on the monthly calendar that they hand out? There must be a reason I have it on my fridge next to my children's artwork, photos and worthless lottery tickets.

I reach into my jacket pocket to give Strawberry my change. I am hoping for fifty cents but I only feel crumpled tissues. My other jacket has the coins that I need. My purse is left behind in the car. Strawberry's big round eyes look up to me with heartbreak. She knows that her mom can't provide the goods. I had given her change a while back so in a last ditch attempt we go through her jacket pockets. There we discover a handful of pebbles and one penny.

I'm sorry.

Her body droops and she slowly inches towards her classroom defeated. Her sadness weighs me down. While it's only popcorn, it feels like overwhelming disappointment all because of me.

The person that she depends on.

Pure Beef Dessert

If strawberry and banana flavored, all beef jello doesn't make you want to become a vegetarian, then I don't know.

Wordless Wednesday
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On Rarity and Pretty Pop

This weekend I took the girls to wander around a department store so that Colin could spend some time working in our garage on yet another busted car CD player. I found the advertised frying pan that was sixty six percent off and then headed to the DVD section to look for the least mind numbing children's show that we could watch forty thousand times consecutively. It turned out that the only thing that peaked their interest were My Little Pony movies. I hightailed it to the toy section with promises to expand their collection so I wouldn't have to suffer through the saccharin escapades that include evil songs from the dark side. I've had "My Little Pony, Is full of baloney" stuck in my head for days now.

Pony from something blue on Vimeo.
Why not fill up your pretty head with a little song?

I try not to buy toys and treats every time we leave the house in fear of raising Veruca Salt. We have warned them that if they get everything that they want, the squirrels will determine that they are bad nuts and toss them aside. There is nothing like installing a bit of fear of small, wild animals to keep your children in line. That didn't prevent Strawberry from having a mini meltdown deciding which pony she wanted to add to her collection.

I am thankful that I am not made of money because I have a hard time not buying everything that they fancy. I have a habit of stockpiling toys for gifts. I put many items in closets for future celebrations and pat myself on the back that my daughters will have more values than the Hilton sisters. Before Christmas, Strawberry spied a play veterinarian kit in our basement. This was how it came to be the present she gave to her little sister.

Somehow Buttercup has decided that these medicals tools are actually for being a tattoo artist. She has given me dozens of imaginary tattoos which is a hundred percent more than I currently have. Mamatulip asked me back in November if I had any tattoos when I was looking for content for NaBloPoMo. Obviously I am easily distracted. This mild diversion reminds me that the Ring Toss was a gift from my mother-in-law.

I did go to a tattoo parlor last year with some ideas and talked to an artist but I never went back in to get inked. I don't know if it's because I am not sure exactly what I want on my body. (Forever… which is a mighty long time.) Plus I am not sure about placement. There is not an area of my body that I necessarily want to draw attention to. I remain a blank canvass for my daughters to practice creating sleeves of many a multicoloured prancing Pegasus and dancing unicorn.