Pudding

Tonight I sit at the old desktop because the laptop is afflicted with viruses. Much like my life.

I’m surrounded by clutter. I wish nothing more than to dispose of it all. I am not clinging to any sentimental attachment. Much like my life.

These words make their way onto my computer screen and I suppose they come across as dismal but that is not the page that I am on.

I have come to feel like powder. I am reduced to sugar crystals being poured into boiling water. At first I felt like I was dissolving into nothing but then I made the realization that I am evolving.

Perfect songs fill my headphones. It’s late and the music is loud. I keep feeling the presence of someone walking towards me but I am alone with the children sleeping in the next room.

I flip from window to window. I am trying not to read into everything and failing. If it is hard for me to make heads or tails, how can I expect someone removed to understand? Right now there is comfort in the open-ended questions. I think I have what I need and I will take it.

The song will play again. The clutter will dissipate. I will be anew.