Saturday, June 24, 2006

Summer fresh

I got home from work. I dropped my purse and the Febreze that I had purchased on the kitchen table. I realized that I had left my cell phone in the car.

I returned to the house to find my husband misting Febreze towards his face.


Sheepishly, "I was wondering why it smelled so summery."

It seems he thought it was this.

I couldn't stop laughing while I cuddled with my lovely scented husband.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Caught up in life

I'm going into withdrawal from not writing and limited reading. More coffee please! Overall the family unit is adjusting wonderfully and I will learn to multi-task with a few pointers.

Subscribing to
Bloglines is making life easier. How did I ever manage before? (Well I was thankful for other blogrolls that magically got blogrolling to work. I'm not that s-m-r-t.)

Here's a big shout out to
Mama C-ta for making Buttercups legs all toasty with BabyLegs. She's still got a couple pairs to give away! Hurry on over... If I never had children, I would not have been inspired to start this mommy blog, would never have found all the likeminded individuals and I'd be lacking the bighearted free goodies. Procreating rules!

Toronto will see some of the
blogworld unite on June 30th! How cool will it be to meet these people that I have put onto a blog pedestal? I have no words so I'm making them up. UltraFabO'licious. Megawondermoment. Hopefully I will get a grip and have some real words for these fine ladies.

I've got plenty of thoughts writing themselves in my mind. Soon I will devote time to forming sentences. As soon as I get some sleep. Until then I leave you with a picture that makes me smile.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Shiny action

With so many thoughts zooming in and out of focus, I have to send everyone in the direction of Scarbie doll.

She has given me food for thought and has made me determined to bring charm to my world of motherhood. I never realized that I have been contributing to the uncoolness factor of parenting. Damn, the rebel in me has got to change that. No gush, no mush. I have to start by sharing straight up, rock on, dazzling child occasions for non-parent inspiration. Yes, I want to be able to write words that make couples rush to jump in the sack for some hot action. That could be a challenge without turning this mommy blog into an erotic, X-rated location.

Off topic, even though Edmonton didn’t win, I found it amusing to watch sweaty men growl with ecstasy and slather kisses on the gleaming cup. Now that I think about it that probably was on topic.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Dangerous downtown living

Last night, while I slept, our house was broken into. Colin had gone upstairs and returned to the kitchen where he had left the sliding door open to cool off the house. This is where he ran into a team of masked bandits looting our kitchen. Being brave, he took on all of them. It was one super hero against seven intruders. Six of them scurried out the door but a little one jumped into the bottom of the stroller. With a little persuasion, victory was Colin's.

The bad guys were a hungry family of racoons. It was like a scene from Over the Hedge. They were boldly getting revenge. Earlier Colin had sprayed them with water when he saw them sneak into our yard.

My mom had warned us that animal life would jump at the chance of getting a free meal. Yes mom, you were right and I expect you to say "I told you so" in our next conversation. I guess we are lucky that it wasn't a skunk or even worse a real criminal. Tonight the AC is turned on and all windows are closed.

On a happier note, Leith, the beautiful son to Jennifer and S, joined them early on June 5th. Jennifer is recovering from post complications of her delivery and is still in the hospital. Feel free to send them some good vibes and wishes at her delicious food blog that is now featuring pictures of their delectable new baby.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

What a way to make a living!

While it does break my heart to see my baby cry when I drop her off at daycare, the office is a place that rejuvenates my soul. I'm starting to feel like a whole person again with the addition of goobers on my left shoulder. There is no avoiding Buttercup wiping her nose or her mouth on me before I head into the work place.

I must remember to bring some plastic utensils because my office does not have hot water to wash said eating tools. Today with every spoonful of yogurt I did some mental gagging.

I disappeared for eleven months and damn if someone didn't swipe my speakers and my space heater. We are a music company. There should be speakers for everyone. In my daily duties it is unavoidable that I will come across many classic song titles. It never fails that one line of a song will enter my head on repeat driving me a little batty. It sounds exactly like a record skipping in my brain. Luckily the intern has been warned that I am getting her good speakers tomorrow and hers will be replaced with some cheapies. Oh no, I got her to run out to grab coffee. Do you think she spat in mine?

The executives are using my relaxed state of mind to swindle me into doing intense projects with short deadlines. There is nothing like jumping into the fire.

My confidence has been boosted my staff who are gushing that I have finally returned to the grind. Secretly they may only be happy that my presence frees them from some of the things that have fallen into their laps.

When we achieve success, I break out into a chorus of "We did it! We did it! Lo hicimos!" Ok maybe not actually out loud.

The daily joys are endless. I totally forgot how much fun it is to use the paper shredder! I should bring the paper bits home for Party Potty time.

I still want to know who left all the dirty fingerprints on my computer screen. I really ought to disinfect my keyboard and telephone. The office is a breeding ground for germs. It is second in line to daycare.

Invitations to work social events have been rolling in. Really honey, it's not another party, it's work. I must attend!

All of these activities have given me a wake up call. This is a big part of who I am. I'm relieved that it brings some happiness amongst the guilt. I'm trying hard not to whine so I won't get into how seeing small children during office hours makes my heart shudder. How I know that I have been the entire world to Buttercup for the last eleven months that span her entire life. This separation anxiety that she is facing is also something that I have to deal with. She is such a different baby than Strawberry whose face always lit up with joy at our return at the end of the day. Buttercup on the other hand catches a glimpse at a familiar face and breaks out in another round of fresh tears. The hurt that she feels is excruciating. But no, I won't get into that.

I will order yet another coffee and plunge deeper into my demanding work load.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Rinse, Lather, Repeat

I'm oh so tired.

It was 6:00 AM when I was forced awake in order to get to work for 9:30. I'm much more of a hit the snooze button three times, get ready in fifteen minutes and race myself to work kind of girl. I'm not sure if dragging my sorry butt out of bed to get two wee ones to daycare is something that I'm cut out for. Especially when Buttercup looks at me with her big blue eyes crying out "How dare you leave me here with these complete strangers? How can you do this to me? Don't you love me mama?" Insert her tears and wails. I desperately try hard not to think. Just drive. There was so much morning traffic scurrying to their destinations that we collectively got to sit at green lights. Green means GO people! Drive your car like you own it.

The day flew by in a wink. I got to read eleven months worth of e-mails. My inbox was almost two thirds full of offers of sexual aid, medicine and mortgage deals. Office chitchat and a couple meetings helped fill the day. I even managed to process a half a dozen statements. Well they were all teeny tiny but seriously it is a miracle that I can even remember the insane number of daily passwords required to do business.

In no time I found myself fighting my way back home in rush hour traffic. Could I have five minutes to sit down and squeeze in some daily blogs? No, must make supper for the family. I just want to eat jellybeans and veg out. Do banana jellybeans count as a nutritious meal? Hmmm... no, I guess not. Baby might choke. Shovel food into three mouths. Notice that most of Buttercup's potatoes and broccoli are on the floor. Give the babes a bath. Type this while cheering for the Edmonton Oilers. Strawberry taught me a new song that she either made up or learned today. Oops, now she's asleep. Carry her upstairs. Clean up kitchen. I should really do a load of laundry if I could muster up the energy. I'm still desperate to read my favourite blogs, but my eyes need toothpicks to hold them open.

Now I get to repeat this routine. Did I mention that I'm not good with the humdrum of the daily life? It's like pushing a button that makes me zoom into automatic overdrive. There is almost no thought to it. However I do hear cries of protest coming from every direction. Is that the baby or my inner voice? Too. Tired. To. Think.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Mama has a headache

Besides cluttering the livingroom, our lives have become over run by children's toys. The supposed sign of a good toy is clearly measured by how much noise it can make. They all require batteries, but Colin really loses his mind when they require three batteries. He knows the toy manufacturers are in cahoots with the Energizer bunny. The sad sound of a toy that's desperate for a new battery is almost too much to handle.

We have been known to put tape over top of the speakers to muffle the noise factor. Why would a child need all their toys to be that loud? It can't be good for their new little ears. It's not like they have attended too many rock concerts and need us to turn up the volume on their singing doll. It may be set to extreme loudness only to be heard over top of the other toy with the bells and whistles next to it. Winnie the Pooh and Curious George are having a sound off.

If you have no children and need to buy a toy as a gift, it is best to choose something quiet. Books, Groovy Girls, Hot Wheels, stuffed animals, blocks and balls are still fun. Their parents will thank you!

Thirteen noisy toys designed for stock in Advil.

1. Dora's Mini Van. I have never been able to look or listen to this toy the same, since one fine day last summer at the cottage. Auntie Rojo and her friends laughed their asses off at their own interpretation of Dora's words. "Hootie's Ass" giggles... "Hootie's Ass" giggles... "Hootie's Ass" yet another round of giggles... Yo Rojo, if karma is a bitch, you will find this in your house within the next decade.

2. Sing if you squeeze me Elmo. "Elmo loves you, Elmo loves you. Yes he does. Yes he does. Give him a big hug. Throw him out the window. La la la. La la la."

3. Luigi from Cars. This cute, yellow, Italian car makes six sounds like "Hey" and "Ouch" every time you pick him up, move him or drop him. Or pelt him across the room.

4. LeapFrog's Word Whammer™ Fridge Phonics™. We can practice spelling more than 325 three-letter words. It doesn't recognize the word Sex but Gun is ok.

5. Tomy Gearation. The clicking whir of the gears makes my head spin even without my current inner ear infection.

6. Strawberry Shortcake cell phone. This pink phone evenly spaces out phases by Angel Cake, Ginger Snap and of course Miss Shortcake so that your toddler can carry on conversations. Pictured below is a 1 year old Strawberry on an urgent call.

7. Fisher-Price Little People® Sweet Sounds Home™ and Animal Sounds Farm™. The farmer hammers his thumb. That one never gets old.

8. Fisher-Price Roll-a-Rounds™ Jungle Friends Treehouse™. The balls alone are a racket, drowning out the ten lively tunes.

9. Dora the Explorer: Swiper, No Swiping! Book. It has a built in recorder. Strawberry thinks it is fun to record herself screaming as loud as she can and then listen to her recording over and over.

10. Fisher-Price Corn Popper™ - This toy has been around since 1957. We have a retro style action popper thanks to the MIL's garage sale addiction.

11. Little Tikes Goofy Giggles™ Remote Control. This one is popular with the cat too.

12. Fun Years Cash Register. The beeping, dinging and the bells for the credit card are unbearable. We seem to be teaching toddlers how to rack up their credit card a little young.

13. Musical instruments such as a recorder, harmonica, tamborine, maracas and bongo drums. If there is going to be this much noise, we might as well encourage the next popular family musical group.

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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Mercury rising

It is just my luck. I was feeling like crap. So bad that I actually dragged my two small children with me to a hastily scheduled doctor's appointment. This is where I discovered that they can do nothing for my inner ear infection. The room is spinning.... Wheeeeeeeeeeeee... If I'm going to feel as if I'm constantly drunk, I might as well crack open a bottle or two. Or more. Many more.

As I'm packing up my overtired cranky baby and rambunctious toddler, I discover that City TV is Everywhere. (That's their slogan.) They want to interview me about the effects of tuna.

Do I have makeup on?

Do I sound like a babbling idiot?

Do I give them the answers that they want?

Do I think they will use me in their segment?
Please No! Who do I have to pay?

Yes I know that mercury levels in tuna can harm developing nervous systems. I was never warned of that fact during my first pregnancy. I ate an alarming amount of tuna. I used to think of tuna as a super brain food and chowed down tuna salad sandwiches almost every other day. Thankfully my daughter has not shown any signs of having been harmed by my tuna addiction. It is yet another thing to lose sleep over.

It is the second time that our local news has approached me to be on camera in less than a week. The first time it was CTV at the airport in their search to find candidates who were about to embark on a vacation. As we were delivering my mom and not flying off to a resort, they quickly moved along. What is it with camera crews following me around? I'm starting to feel like Britney Spears.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Is evil lurking on the day of doom?

I'm feeling an itsy bit skittish. It is mainly due to events in the news that I am nervous.

Overall I would have to classify myself as a little superstitious. I avoid ladders and notice black cats. I won't put shoes on a table. I hope to get the last drop of wine poured from the bottle for good luck but who doesn't want more wine?

I tend to look forward to every Friday the 13th as I long ago deemed them lucky. However I don't know what to think about the sixth day of the sixth month of a new century’s sixth year.

According to the Sunday Times in Britain, expectant mothers are aghast at the prospect of giving birth today. If that's the case, we have a good decade or two before the supposed Antichrist would be old enough to do wreak havoc on the world.

So as long as no comet crashes into our planet and the world leaders don't push any buttons today, I'll wake up tomorrow with a sigh of relief.

Now that I think about it, money is evil so that would mean the time is right to buy a lottery ticket.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Time is a funny thing

In 1986, I... was 15, living in Saskatchewan. I sat on the floor in my bedroom, listening to Casey Kasem's Countdown on the radio and wrote bad poetry. I spent endless hours talking on my very own dusty rose telephone to my amazing girlfriends about crushes that I had on boys that were unattainable. A few of the hit songs that filled the airwaves were "Kiss" - Prince and the Revolution, "Walk Like An Egyptian" - The Bangles, "Papa Don't Preach" - Madonna, "Real Wild Child (Wild One)" - Iggy Pop , "Take My Breath Away" - Berlin, "West End Girls" - Pet Shop Boys...

In 1996, I... was living on my own in Toronto in a basement apartment. I had my dream job and a serious boyfriend of three years. We saw concert after concert and our social lives were in high gear. Some of the CD's that I was listening to were: Odelay - Beck, Razorblade Suitcase - Bush, First Band on the Moon - The Cardigans, Better Living Through Chemistry - Fatboy Slim, Fountains of Wayne - Fountains of Wayne, As Good as Dead - Local H, Fever In Fever Out - Lucious Jackson, Tragic Kingdom - No Doubt, One Hot Minute - Red Hot Chili Peppers, Evil Empire - Rage Against the Machine, Becoming X - Sneaker Pimps, Irresistible Bliss - Soul Coughing, Tiny Music... Songs from the Vatican Gift Shop - Stone Temple Pilots, Pinkerton - Weezer...

In 2001, I... bought a house with my boyfriend of eight years. That summer we got engaged. We still spent a lot of time going out with friends but noticed that more planning was involved. I had been promoted several times and was enjoying the perks of travel and an expense account. The following albums were brand spanking new: Discovery - Daft Punk, Warning: - Green Day, Gorillaz - Gorillaz, Morning View - Incubus, Bleed American - Jimmy Eat World, Rock Steady - No Doubt, Amnesiac - Radiohead, Is This It - The Strokes...

In 2003, I... had my first daughter. We took many ONE Dollar flights on Jetsgo to visit my relatives in the Prairies. I personally may have caused this airline to go bankrupt.

The baby jumped in her jolly jumper to the sounds of: Elephunk -Black Eyed Peas, Life For Rent -Dido, Get Born - Jet, On and On - Jack Johnson, Heavier Things -John Mayer, Speakerboxxx/The Love Below -Outkast, Liz Phair - Liz Phair, Sleeping With Ghosts - Placebo, Elephant - The White Stripes...

In 2005, I... had my second daughter. I spent many days of my maternity leave at my new job, as I felt responsible for the department that I oversee. The great bathroom renovation project began. The family unit was grooving to: Guero -Beck, Monkey Business - Black Eyed Peas, X&Y - Coldplay, Plans - Death Cab for Cutie, In Your Honor - Foo Fighters, Demon Days -Gorillaz, Elevator - Hot Hot Heat, In Between Dreams - Jack Johnson, With Teeth - Nine Inch Nails, Lullabies to Paralyze - Queens of the Stone Age, Late Registration - Kanye West, Get Behind Me Satan - The White Stripes...

So far in 2006, I... started this blog and found other people who amaze me with their words. Spent unsuccessful hours trying to negotiate with a toddler. Kissed my children a zillion times.

Yesterday I... surfed through blogs. Ran around the house trying to clean up little messes. My mother has returned to her own home and has left my house looking rather spiffy. I really want to maintain this state but it is way too much work. Wet Play-Doh is hard to clean up.

Today I... cut up an entire watermelon. Seriously, that is a huge job! Had a shower. (Wahoo another fine achievement!) Figured out how to create and upload video clips. Overall, it was a pretty successful day!

Video Hosting - Upload Video - Video Sharing

Tomorrow I will... make a doctor's appointment. For over a week, I have constantly had the spins. Every time my cheek hits the pillow the room begins rotating. It is also my last week of maternity leave. I hope to get the girls into an earlier routine.

In the next year I will... try to find myself. I will feel guilty that I'm feeling too guilty and realize that it was a complete waste of time. I will cheer on my girls in their every achievement!

Mrs. Chicky tagged me for this meme in a geographical fashion. In Sesame Street style, I tag all 28 year olds, as well as anyone whose name begins with the letter K.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Wiggle Time

Oh, those choreographed dancing and singing Australian men!
I have visions of yellow, blue, red and purple g-strings.
"Wake Up Jeff!"

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Peering into the crystal ball

Thirteen Things for me to write about

If I mention to Colin what I am planning to write about in this space, he always groans. (Thanks for the loving support honey!) Here are a few topics that I've been meaning to tackle and a couple others that will likely come up due to the foreseeable future. With a bit of luck I will soon squeeze in some time to write something a tad more comprehensive.

1. My neighbors. They are not that inspiring but I'd like to vent.

2. Living with my embarrassing condition. Wow, now that portrays me as the freak that I am!

3. Religion. Being more of a spiritual type, living with a strongly agnostic person and sending our girls to a Catholic Daycare can be built in humor.

4. Nighttime thoughts and bedtime rituals.

5. More of Strawberry's wisdom.

6. Buttercup's wondrous developments. This baby has dance moves that make me think that she will be auditioning for music videos any day now.

7. How mornings will be the death of me. I will soon have to get myself up at the crack of dawn to find some unimaginable way to get myself presentable, the girls dressed, in their car seats and delivered to daycare. I will then have a massive coffee in hand as I arrive with left over energy to my office in a timely fashion. My maternity leave days are numbered.

8. Daycare adjustments and obsessive heartbreak. See above.

9. In June we will celebrate both Father's Day and our wedding anniversary so I should share some sweet words about Colin.

10. A more in depth description of my struggle with motherhood. I need to clarify some thoughts about my last post.

11. Baby steps at reclaiming myself.

12. The importance of the female bond. Friendship makes life more rewarding and interesting.

13. Admiration of fellow bloggers. I wanted to give Lucinda and MommaK's A Perfect Post Award to Mommy off the Record. She wrote a loving and yet real entry honoring her grandmother just before her Nonna passed away. I highly recommend dedicating a few hours to reading the best of the best of May, which you can find at Petroville and Suburban Turmoil.

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