Thursday, April 27, 2006

In the mail...

Dear Brit,

I just heard the news. Congratulations! I'm sure it was a little unexpected but everything happens for a reason. Just think little Sean Preston will have an Irish twin! Wahoo less than a year apart! Kori and Caleb must be so excited too.


This just cannot be the reason you are thinking of sticking it out with Kevin. Come on! He's a scum bucket. I'm surprised you weren't double bagging it. Who knows where that thing has been lately?

You've got to remember to be a role model to your fans. You need to show them that you are a strong woman who can overcome this leech. You'll get all kinds of support if you play the "he's a cheater, who disrespected me" card. It worked great for Denise until those photos turned up. You know, the ones of her with her best friend's husband.

I just know that you'll make being a single mom look so easy! What with your mom's help, oh and a nanny, person trainer, maid and chef it shouldn't be so bad. Plus after your second baby is born you'll only be 25! You're sure to find husband number 3 before you turn 27. (I know you think Jason doesn't count.) But what I'm saying is there are plenty of fish in the sea. K-Fed is nasty. It won't be hard to find somebody better.


As you were once in love with him, you should try to convince him to get a vasectomy. You'll be doing him a great service, as he won't be able to support more than four children on his music career. Not to mention that the world will thank you. Big time!

Ok girlfriend. Be strong! You're babies are counting on you. Maybe next year you’ll be deemed one of the
Top 5 Sexy Celeb Mom’s. I’m sure you can push Posh Spice out.


P.S. I found that photo of you with Sean Preston and thought you might want to add it to his baby album. He sure is a cutie pie!

P.P.S. When you are picking the date for your C-section, be sure to give me a call and I can help you decide what day works best astrologically.

22 Singing the blues:

Kimberly said...

Okay, my eyes are officially watering. Poor Brit, I keep hoping her mind will return.

Best,
Kim

Sunshine Scribe said...

Brilliant post. So funny yet so very sad at the same time. What is this girl thinking?!?

Mrs. Chicky said...

WTF!!! Say it ain't so!! Arg... K-Fed is multiplying before our eyes. I'm hoping she just had a really big Dr. Pepper and a bowl of chili with beans before going out in that bikini. Maybe the bump was just gas.

K-Fed (aka Cletus) said...

Will you and the bad people at Fug please leave my lovely wife and me alone? What did we ever do to you to deserve such scrutiny?

As for knocking her up again... What can I say? My bitches are mean swimmers!

http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/go_fug_yourself/britney_spears/index.html

Heather said...

Loved the part about convincing him to get a vasectomy. It'd definitely do the world a huge favour. :)

Mega Mom said...

Brilliant.

cameo said...

what? huh? wait a minute, wait a minute. are you trying to tell me that the child is pregnant again? are you kidding? this is the first i've heard of it. i'm so confused on so many levels. and hey, that makes you my "breaking news" news source. either that or i'm just really out of touch. help me.

something blue said...

Yes, it has been confirmed that she's four months along. She broke the news to her mom at Easter.

K-Fed glad you made it over here. You deserve this because you wore WHITE socks with sandals. That's a No-No.

Marcie said...

When will these people go away? Please make it stop! I'm with Cameo, this is the first I have heard of it. Do you have Hollywood insider connections?

IzzyMom said...

"I'm surprised you weren't double bagging it"

rofl....I know, right?

Nicole said...

I hadn't heard the news either. This sure was a fun way to find out! Very good advice for Britney.

rhonda said...

Britney should have just stayed with Justin Timberlake. KFed is nasty, and she must have had beer goggles on when that went down!

mama_tulip said...

'double bagging it'.

LMFAO.

cameo said...

"been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding..." (i, of course, am NOT included in this. nor anybody with an ounce of intelligence) but you know the song.

Mom101 said...

Oh, if only she would read this.

I used to be annoyed by her. Now, for some reason I feel sort of protective. Like I want to pull her aside, as someone (ahem) older and wiser and just say, "honey are you okay? What's going on in that head of yours? Because you're not making a whole lot of smart decisions as far as we can all tell."

But what do I know. The girl is probably smarter than we think. I mean what's she worth, like 100 million these days? Blech.

Mama C-ta said...

Would you mind signing my name at the bottom of that letter too?

Andrea said...

Poor Britney, always being picked on! Who wouldn't want another K-Fed running around, learning bad rap and inflating his opinion of himself. She started at the top of her game and her taste in men just keeps going downhill. Just goes to show money ain't everything.

I'm with Mom101. I feel sorry for her and a bit protective. Afterall, who wouldn't want to protect a former Mousekateer? Hopefully she takes the beer goggles off soon.

Mommy off the Record said...

Britney is having #2? I heard a rumor, but I thought it had to be false. Man, I can't keep up with all this celebrity gossip. I need to just break down and order a subscription to People Magazine or something.

HeatherJ said...

Poor Brit, I mean has her self esteem been so murdered that she thinks K-Fed is the love of her life? She has got to have some guy on her staff that has been crushing on her for a long time waiting to be that sweet sensitive guy that she needs. I can't imagine what little Sean will be like with K-fed as his primary father figure, scary!

scarbie doll said...

OMG -- I just posted my Friday Challenge -- to write an open letter, and you had already done one! We must be on the same vibe this week.

Brit has to be the stoopedest celeb ever. Even more than Paris Stilton.

Pattie the Domesticator said...

Wow, I had not heard they were having another baby....it MUST be love ;0

thebetty said...

This just in... When I was at the store I saw a tabloid (that shall remain nameless) that stated how there were two other incidences where her little baby was dropped on its poor head. Apparently only the third time when the baby was in the Nanny's care was it properly reported to the police. I'm not a big fan of K-Fed's "mean swimmers" but looks like Brit's gene pool is severely lacking itself.