Sunday, November 12, 2006

Cross My Heart

"OK, so... so... sometimes I lie. I mean, I'm weird, man. About random stuff too, I don't even know why I do it. It's like... it's like a tick, I mean sometimes I hear myself say something and think, Wow, that wasn't even remotely true." - Garden State

I wish that was the case for me instead it seems that I've been struck with the complete honesty gene. You might think that's a good thing, honorable even, but it makes for a lousy storyteller. I have a wild, active imagination however the only thing I've ever successfully lied about was the excuses I would create for being late for work. A good portion of the time I highly doubt my boss believed me. That didn't stop friends from trying them out at their jobs. Some were so outrageous that my co-workers teased me that I should write a book of them. My theory on lying is to make it so unbelievable that it has to be real.

These attempts were forced lying. Survival lying. I couldn't spout lies for interest sake. I need be able to embellish reality to make the everyday life more blogworthy. I've officially decided that I am unable to pull it off.

I kept delaying writing this very post because I wanted to come out of gates with a tall tale about how I could not go without the words written by Zach Braff. (Really what's not to love?) In my mind it was going to be a hilarious romp to start my introduction to the real blogger that my life would be shattered without. Weeks later, I realize that I don't have it in me. That in itself makes me want to curl up in a ball. I want to be a funny, intelligent writer. I want to be as brilliant as those I read. I love to surround myself with people that I admire with hopes that some of their magical dust will fall upon me.

There are so many talented writers sharing pieces of their lives. In blogland the words sit waiting for others to stumble upon them. I am lucky to have found my way to many of them. Plus I even get to have drinks on occasion with numerous talented, down to earth, real writers. The Southern Ontario Mommy crew rocks it hardcore. I feel privileged to call these women my friends. I am left in a shocked silence because one has called it a day. I often find myself drawn to the empty tub, longing for words to soak in those bubbles.

How can this gap leave me missing someone so dearly when I only knew her from reading her stories? It has made me put my guard up. I realize that there are many strangers that have woven their words so tightly that I've come to believe that I know them. With longtime friends, we rarely get to find out what dwells inside their minds. These new online friends can be anywhere in the world and they are accessible. Morning, noon or night they are there to share stories that fill my heart. They make me laugh, and nod and cry real tears. The topping on the sundae is when they relate to something that I have written with kind words. It makes the days brighter and induces many smiles.

Now I know that they can easily slip away. Vanish. The words themselves wiped away like they were never there. How real are these friendships then? Do they know how important they are to me? Now that I've poured my heart up onto the screen it makes me uncomfortable to name names. But really, I'm not saying I have grand delusions that you are my best friend. I am saying that you have a talent that is rare, the ability to write like nobody's business. I want to thank you for sharing. For bringing your life into 3D Technicolor. And thanks for the sundaes.

14 Singing the blues:

metro mama said...

They're important to me too. They're real.

Mother Bumper said...

If they aren't real then I'm a very sad lady because I can't even find the words (oh how I know what you were talking about) to describe how my life has been made better, by finding this group of women (and some men). I'd like to think I've helped one person out there come out of their shell (or that's what she told me when I finally met her in person) and that alone has made my butchering and retailoring of words worth it. I keep up my blog so I can participate and share and babble just.like.this. Not sure where I'm going with this SBB but I'm sure darn glad you wrote it. And I really miss MamaTulip too.

chelle said...

I too get very connected to the people that write the blogs I read. I read Canadian blogs with a hunger that leaves me wanting more from home. I read other mother's writings about love, frustration and everything in between and I just want to have a huge block party!

Great post! It is impossible not to get attached to these amazing people.

jen said...

you captured it all perfectly. i happened to speak in person to a blogger friend on Friday - and it was so amazing to put a voice to the words, and even more so, to see how quickly all the niceities and superficialities slip right down the drain and we settle into what is real. you are right, that doesn't happen quite the same in the other ongoing world. nicely done.

ali said...

jesus...i miss mamatulip too :(

Dharma said...

I don't know mamatulip but the real matter of you post definitely resonates and reminds of something posted to an email group just last week. These connections can feel so deep, over this fiber optics but when that is all that exists between us it is hard to know what of the connection is real beyond those thins wires that hold our hands.

btw - I am new to your blog but find your writing touching, funny, and all other goodness.

kittenpie said...

Yeah, it is amazing how we have this somewhat odd circle of "bloggy friends" too isn't it? That's what I really love about this whole tomamas group - now I know you're all just as great in person. But I have a little twinge too, every time I see mama tulip on someone's blogroll. I went by the other day, just on the off chance... but no, she's not back yet. Sigh.

penelopeto said...

don't know what i'd do without you gals.

i bet my husband could come up with something, tho.

Andrea said...

I so often feel the same way. I feel more connected to my dot com friends in blogland than I do to many real life friends. What does that say? I give more glimpses of myself to the Internet than I do to them, and in truth, I interact better on line than in real life. That's not to say I can't take real life and appreciate it, but sometimes I feel like I'm more understood in the cyberworld than I am outside of it. Partly that makes me sad. Mostly it makes me happy that I can relate to some people regardless of time, space, distance... I feel like these are true friendships being forged, and even though some of them I don't even know their names, I feel like I've connected to someone. I finally realized that IRL or Dot Com, that connection is the important thing.

Her Bad Mother said...

The feeling is mutual, sweet lady. We've all been so lucky to find each other, so close by - and to find *inspiration* in each other.

((((you))))

krista said...

Aw, I loved that movie, and I totally remember that part.

I love Natalie Portman.

krista said...

Oh- and I wanted to add that that empty tub makes me sad too- and often I am surprised of how frequently I think of ms. mamatulip.

Amazing the deep connections we make online.

sunshine scribe said...

No thank YOU amazing woman. You my dear, dear blog friend turned even more than a blog friend.

And Mama Tulip ... she is so so missed.

BlogWhore said...

Great Blog!