Friday, June 25, 2010


Three fingertip bruises contradict the words that shattered my heart.

It wasn’t hard falling for you. I felt drawn in. The force of that pull was more than I could have imagined. And you were always there. With each word, I grew stronger and pinned my hopes a little higher. I felt connected on every level, sharing so many of the same ideals and values.

Maybe I was just a place holder that was filling your need for attention through the wires. Maybe I built meaning into things that were never there.

We were always closer when we were further apart. The moments that brought us together, you tended to shy away. I should have used that to open my eyes to the truth. Except something was different in March. The way that you looked at me, my soul felt exposed.

I wanted more and I needed it to be real. I needed this to be different than my history. To know that it is not is a little more than I can endure. I can’t keep giving my heart to those that don’t want it. So now I will take the sturdiest of bricks and create a fortress. I’m going to lock myself in there because I can’t allow for me to continue on this way.

3 Singing the blues:

Kyla said...

Oh, my dear friend. Thinking of you.

b*babbler said...

Aw J. There is someone out there - someone who will see you in all your amazingness and never let you slip away.

I believe this. I really and truly do.

kittenpie said...

I'm with b*babbler - for him not to see how fantastic you are makes him shortsighted, distracted, or just plain dumb.

You take care of you and heal for now, but when you're ready to open up to the sun again - and you will be - someone will see how bright you shine, and want to bask in you.