Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Forward Thinking

I am an accepting person. There are not too many things that would get me riled up. I go by the philosophy that what's right for you, is ok by me. I cherish differences. I value other people's opinions. There are however two topics that get my knickers in a knot.

1. Smoking
In this day, after all the medical research has proven the consequences; I am surprised that anyone still does it. Yes, I know that it is an addiction, but it's not like doctors say that smoking is fine in moderation. This is not one of those things.

The banning of public smoking is making it easier to have a fun night out, if only that was the way when I had a social life. There were too many years that I was forced to stand next to someone who was smoking so that I could watch my favourite band perform. I desperately wanted to tell them that their choice was killing me.

It leaves you smelling extremely disgusting. I don't care how many times you see hot actors lighting up. Smoking is not cool.

Don't even get me started about people who smoke in front of children!

2. Open relationships
For the most part it really doesn't bother me what other people do in their bedrooms. I know that it does not affect my life in the least. I've struggled with why I find the idea of married couples in open relationships so repulsive.

I think it mainly stems from my question as why bother making a commitment to each other if you have no intention of honoring it? Go ahead. Have an open relationship; just don't pretend to be married.

It's like these people feel that they have to fall into a society standard of being married. If they really want to sleep around, why not remain single? A person claiming to be in a loving open relationship is pure hypocrisy.

If you love someone you don't want to hurt them. If you are honestly fine with your partner having sex with other people, then you are probably not truly in love.

Those are the two things that I should never bring up. I feel better now.

16 Singing the blues:

Nicole said...

I'd have to agree on both points. Very well said.

Pattie the Domesticator said...

I like the fact that you are an accepting person, and value other's opinions.
I am with you on both counts. I think smoking bothers me, too because it infringes on other's rights, and it is so bad for one's body.
The open relationship thing is not for me, but I guess that doesn't bother me as much because it only affects the consenting adults involved...unless they have kids. Oh, and I'm NOT condoning that lifestyle...

Mom101 said...

What a great and provocative topic!

As a world-class self-righteous ex-smoker, I agree wholeheartedly on #1! It is, as it was once described to me, the only product that when used as directed causes death.

as for open marriages however, I guess you could say I'm open. I have very dear friends with a relationship like that, and 16 years later it works for them. I would assume they have their own little rules; I doubt it's anything goes.

But it wouldn't be fair for me to apply my own views on what marriage should be on them...any more than it would be fair for a Christian fundamentalist or a Utah polygamist or a European philanderer (with his wife's permission) to impose their views on me. Marriage is culturally and religiouisly defined. And while my own insecurites and values would keep me from such a relationship myself--I'm all about more happy people in the world, however they get there.

Mom101 said...

Oh, and the typos? Yours to keep. Totally free! No kidding!

MrsFortune said...

Um, Mom-101 took the words out of my mouth on the open relationships thing.

As far as the smoking - well, I only quit when I got pregnant, so I can't say much, but I do feel bad for people who smoke. But there's so many "no smoking in public" laws now that it's not so much of a problem anymore, which I think is great.

And I LOVE LOVE your new header!

something blue said...

I don't know why it makes me pissy possibly because I've known about too much cheating (which is obviously not the same thing.)

As a teenager I didn't believe that long-term monogamy was possible and now I can't wrap my brain around open relationships. It appears so much like a charade.

If it does bring others happiness I should be saying all the power to them. They must be the advanced humankind, living without jealousy.

something blue said...

Mrs. Fortune - Thanks! Danielle is a Goddess. She's worked her magic.

Sunshine Scribe said...

Love the look! Sorry I was distracted by your fancy new digs that I had to get that out before I could comment...

Thanks for bringing these up! Great post.

I am so right behind you, pounding my fist in agreement about the smoking. My lungs are blackened from second hand smoke and I am greatful TO is finally doing something about it - although everytime I go to the parking garage at my office -there they all are - clustered, shivvering, blowing their damn smoke in my face as I walk by.

I am with you on the open marriage thing. Maybe that makes me closed minded or judgemental or have a too conservative view of marriage. But I agree - to each his own but call it what it is don't hide behind a label that doesn't belong to you. I do understand the need to respect those that it does work for - but it isn't something I'd be dabbling in.

Heather said...

You'll never meet a more militant non-smoker thn me, but I really fall on the "to each their own" side of things when it comes to relationships.

I don't want an open relationship myself, but if it floats someone else's boat and all between consenting adults than whatever works for them. I do think it's naive though to not expect problems in an open relationship, and that more often than not people get hurt in them, but to each their own.

kittenpie said...

firstly, love the new look.
I am also rabidly anti-smoke. I even hate it when people smoke outside and it blows in your face, but I don't feel I can regulate what people do in unconfined spaces, so I don't say anything in that case.
I certainly would not be open to being open, so to speak, but I figure if both people fully understand what they are getting into, it's up to them. I had a former roommate who always said that the ideal is that it allows for testing of the relationship now and then without breaking it, as if it's right, the parties will both come back. Which I guess makes some sense if both halves are okay with it.

Kvetch said...

Cute blog!

I am with you on the smoking. On the open-relationship front, I also know people who have long-term marriages that work under those conditions. I also know people who have "tried it" and gone back to being monogamous. I think that I will stick with my "never say never" philosophy, although as a divorced/single woman I am certainly looking for a faithful and monogamous relationship for my future.

Andrea said...

Hey, thanks for leaving a comment on my blog! I too like your design, since we both chose the same one. And Danielle did a fabulous job on them both -- same design and they still have their own personality!

I don't have too strong an opinion on the smoking except to say that I am militant about my father-in-law not doing it around my son.

As for the open relationships, I side with Mom-101, although my husband and I had a strange experience. Nothing dirty, I'll say that up front. We used to have a hot tub in our backyard, and regularly had friends over to sit in the hot tub, nothing kinky. We had some neighbors who expressed interest in coming to one of our hot tub parties, and our neighborhood is pretty friendly, so we said come on over. The whole time they were at our house, we (and all our regular friends we found out later) got the impression our neighbors were waiting for something to happen, and we could really only guess at what. They kept bringing up suggestive topics, asking weird questions like if a certain hypothetical situation were to arise, how would we react, things like that. After a fairly pleasant evening (no one got too creeped out, but the vibe was there) they left fairly early, around eleven or so. I guess they didn't find what they were looking for, and they haven't come over since nor have they invited us to one of their frequent backyard parties. And I'm grateful for that, if our hunch was right. I'm far too insecure for an open relationship. From that night on, we've referred to them as our Swinger Neighbors.

Mega Mom said...

Methinks someone has been watching What About Brian. Do you have that in your land?

something blue said...

It seems that all present are wonderfully open-minded. That's why I think you guys are the greatest!

I was hoping that someone could shed some light on this oxymoron. But c'est la vie. At least Mom 101 dished out a free serving of typos. (Thanks, you rawk!)

Kvetch and Andrea - Thanks for visiting!

Mega Mom - Haven't seen it but ABC, NBC, CBS and Fox are all basic cable channels for us so our TV culture is very much the same. Should I check it out?

J's Mommy said...

I'm with you on the smoking. It's a wonder I don't smoke because both of my parents, my brother, and my sister do. I guess maybe I was disgusted with their habit so it never became mine.

Izzy said...

I used to smoke when I was younger and it's like heroin or something. You derive an insane amount of pleasure out of something that is so bad for you and also really gross. It's so hard to explain. That said...I wish I'd never started and hope my kids never do it.

As for open marriages. I have one word...nasty. I just don't get it and I don't understand how someone could be okay with it. But that's just me.