Wednesday, June 14, 2006

What a way to make a living!

While it does break my heart to see my baby cry when I drop her off at daycare, the office is a place that rejuvenates my soul. I'm starting to feel like a whole person again with the addition of goobers on my left shoulder. There is no avoiding Buttercup wiping her nose or her mouth on me before I head into the work place.

I must remember to bring some plastic utensils because my office does not have hot water to wash said eating tools. Today with every spoonful of yogurt I did some mental gagging.

I disappeared for eleven months and damn if someone didn't swipe my speakers and my space heater. We are a music company. There should be speakers for everyone. In my daily duties it is unavoidable that I will come across many classic song titles. It never fails that one line of a song will enter my head on repeat driving me a little batty. It sounds exactly like a record skipping in my brain. Luckily the intern has been warned that I am getting her good speakers tomorrow and hers will be replaced with some cheapies. Oh no, I got her to run out to grab coffee. Do you think she spat in mine?

The executives are using my relaxed state of mind to swindle me into doing intense projects with short deadlines. There is nothing like jumping into the fire.

My confidence has been boosted my staff who are gushing that I have finally returned to the grind. Secretly they may only be happy that my presence frees them from some of the things that have fallen into their laps.

When we achieve success, I break out into a chorus of "We did it! We did it! Lo hicimos!" Ok maybe not actually out loud.

The daily joys are endless. I totally forgot how much fun it is to use the paper shredder! I should bring the paper bits home for Party Potty time.

I still want to know who left all the dirty fingerprints on my computer screen. I really ought to disinfect my keyboard and telephone. The office is a breeding ground for germs. It is second in line to daycare.

Invitations to work social events have been rolling in. Really honey, it's not another party, it's work. I must attend!

All of these activities have given me a wake up call. This is a big part of who I am. I'm relieved that it brings some happiness amongst the guilt. I'm trying hard not to whine so I won't get into how seeing small children during office hours makes my heart shudder. How I know that I have been the entire world to Buttercup for the last eleven months that span her entire life. This separation anxiety that she is facing is also something that I have to deal with. She is such a different baby than Strawberry whose face always lit up with joy at our return at the end of the day. Buttercup on the other hand catches a glimpse at a familiar face and breaks out in another round of fresh tears. The hurt that she feels is excruciating. But no, I won't get into that.

I will order yet another coffee and plunge deeper into my demanding work load.

19 Singing the blues:

Domestic Chicky said...

I can't even imagine what you're feeling, but I admire you so much for sharing. I'm exhausted just reading your last 2 posts!

Mrs. Chicky said...

You are a lot more positive than I would have been if I returned to work and found that someone snatched my speakers and my space heater. Those things are sacred!

I'm glad you're getting back into the swing of things.

chelle said...

It totally rocks that you enjoy your job. That is when women should be returning to work. Sure you do not like dropping the lil sweethearts at daycare, but I am sure they are getting used to it and having fun there too!!

mamatulip said...

When we achieve success, I break out into a chorus of "We did it! We did it! Lo hicimos!"

LOL.

Sorry about your speakers and space heater, but I'm not surprised. My husband wanted to nail his computer to his desk when he took time after Oliver was born. He was sure someone would take it.

lildb said...

a very challenging moment for you, sweets. it sounds like you're handling it with grace and aplomb.

*grins proudly about her friend's beautiful, inspiring inner strength*

Binkytown said...

Congrats on feeling more in the swing of it. It's so surprising how fast we get back into it after living such a different life while on leave. My little one used to cry at pick up time too- I think he was just overwhelmed. That improved greatly after a couple of weeks. Yes, speakers and disinfectant wipe=good ideas!

Mom101 said...

After 11 months you're lucky you just lost the speakers and the heater. If I'm gone for a week all my crap disappears.

Good luck reassimilating. I know from which you speak.

Mommy off the Record said...

Congrats on getting back to work. I feel the same way you do about working. I love being part of the "adult world" but it's still so hard to leave my baby. But I don't think I'd be happy as a FT mom at this point in my life.

Enjoy your return to the water cooler!

nonlineargirl said...

Sounds like a good place to be, except for the spit-coffee and dirty spoons. I'm not normally a germaphobe, but at my old office I got a little paranoid when I noticed how many people didn't use soap when they washed their hands post-pee. Eew.

bubandpie said...

I keep thinking about poor little Buttercup. It WILL get better (and if it doesn't, you could consider a home care setting - sometimes that's an easier adjustment for the loving, sensitive ones like your daughter).

Mother Bumper said...

Congrats at getting back to work with little issue (except I would have freaked over the speakers!). I'm sure Buttercup will be fine because she has such a great Momma looking out for her.

Pattie the Domesticator said...

Glad you are finding fulfillment going back to the workplace...yeah!

carrie said...

Glad you are transitioning nicely back to work. Don't worry about the guilt, I think it's part of being a Mommy that (no matter what your situation) will never change. I think that a happy mommy makes a goos one and you sound like you're pretty happy!!!

p.s. It is okay to break out into Dora tunes at will, haven't you seen that ad on Noggin? Ha Ha.

scarbie doll said...

Yo, I totally get it. This is what I went through back in March/April. Nate is still crying every morning, but after 3 months, I can say that he's finally ignoring me when I show up at the end of the day. He's having so much fun now, he doesn't want to leave. And I so get the "no time for guilt" thing. You gotsta get your ass across town, no matter how bummed you are on that drive.

I also sing Dora in my head all day and hope I don't mistakenly let a "Come on Vaminos!" slip out during a meeting.

It's OK to love your work. You're setting a work ethic example for your daughters, teaching them that motherhood doesn't have to be all-consuming. That some mommies are better mommies when they work. Rock on girl.

The real dillema is how to keep up your level of blog reading while at work without someone busting you. When you figure that one out, let me know.

Sunshine Scribe said...

Hooray. I am glad you are "into" work again. You have a great job and you have every right to enjoy it and Buttercup will be fine. Sending big hugs ... and a huge virtual cup of coffee your way!

Marcie said...

Be strong Mama, I feel for you. I worked 10 hour days when Olivia was a baby and I know it can be hard.
And remember.....A happy Mom is the best Mom.

Chantal said...

It's great that you enjoy your job so much. It sounds like a lot of fun. Buttercup will get used to her new surroundings in no time!

motherhooduncensored said...

I have to agree with most folks. I think it's awesome that you enjoy your job. And as a former office junkie turned SAHM, I proudly admit to missing work. BADLY.

Her Bad Mother said...

You make it sound pretty damn good. Except that my office - university department - wasn't like that.

It's so great that you're lovin' it