Good Husband/Wanted Man

(Hey it's me niloc. Check it out! I'm no longer a guest.)

I’m on the lam!

I am not a criminal. I didn’t wake up this morning and say: “This is it! Today I’m going to become a fugitive!”

After a typically long day I’m the one who picks up the girls from daycare. I fight rush hour traffic and seek the refuge of our little home. Today though I also had an assignment. I had to stop by a Post Office that was in the back of a store to pick up a package for the wife. We had received the notice in our mailbox the day before and since it’s on the way home for me, I was asked to tackle the job.

After I pick up the girls I find the store and park illegally. I tell the girls to sit tight and that I’ll be right back. I know it’s a big no no but I could see them from the store and this would only take a minute. I run inside and hand them the notice. They find it and ask for my ID. I hand over my Driver’s License. Both of the addresses match so no problem right? The guy behind the counter asks me who the package is addressed to. I say my wife. He then points out that her last name does not match mine therefore he could not give me the package. I look at him. wtf? I have picked up packages for her there before and have never had an issue. He repeats himself. I am sorry but your names do not match. My mind races. What is this? The 1940’s? Women these days don’t always change their name. Jana did add my surname (she now has five names) but she still goes by her maiden name in regards to work and other things. I repeat myself. She’s my wife! The package is a couple of pairs of leggings for our girls. The address on my ID matches the address on the package perfectly. What’s the issue? He goes on about something totally stupid but I’m thinking out the situation. The girls are in the car. I’m in a hurry. I am given a simple task by the wife and I am somehow failing that task. I want to get home and be done with this. I would like nothing more than to scream vile obscenities at this civil servant for being ignorant over some trivial detail. I am still talking in a calm tone and have a gentle demeanor.

He then goes on saying that my wife will have to pick up the package… but that’s why I’m here. Jana works later than I do and she would never make it. Further proof that I’m failing this simple task. We all live busy lives. To have to repeat this task in some manner somehow was unacceptable. And that’s when I calmly lost it. I took the package out of his hands and said "Thank You!" I didn’t run for the door. I slowly turned and started walking away. He said I can’t do that. He also added that he was calling the police. I offered to stand there and wait for them in some useless attempt to sound self righteous. He repeated himself about calling the cops and that he had my address. He held up the little notice that was left at our door the previous day. I asked him… "The same address that’s on my Driver’s License?" He stood there failing to grasp the humour of it so I continued my way out of the store.

Now I know my mistake the second I made it. Falling back on me being tired, frustrated and hurried or whatever does not justify me taking the package no matter how gentle I took it from his hands. I did something I’m not proud of. I have even gone through the stress of regretting it and wondering what I’ve gotten myself into. Jana got home and quickly pointed out that there was $8.23 owing. As if I didn’t have enough to worry about with the cops showing up because I nabbed the package. Now I can also get pegged for theft under $100.00 (Do they even have that charge anymore? Or have they simply raised the limit to under $1000.00?) I have this image of Cliff Claven lecturing me on the seriousness of my offence and that the mail is a Federal Issue not to be taken lightly.

So now Jana is going to swing by there tomorrow morning to try and straighten things out. Who knows… maybe they just let the issue drop. The only problem with that is the $8.23 that’s owed is for Customs. Maybe the cops are too swamped with priority cases and will be knocking at the door at 3 AM. I don’t know but this is all crazy for something as insignificant as improper ID or being a stickler for detail. I don’t even know if I’ve managed to convey the frustration properly. Until then I’m on the lam from the law.

I can’t believe I’m getting bailed out by Jana.