Friday, September 14, 2007

Brutal

There are days when I feel distraught with negative energy. I imagine myself crouched over, slowly turning my head. My eyes become wild shooting rays of death and I want to scream. SCREAM so loud that you could hear me across the ocean.

There is nothing so wrong or bad that is causing me to feel this way. It's not one thing. Rather it is every little thing piling on top Jenga style, with people pulling out loose slivers until I come tumbling down. In pieces.

I deem myself a worthless parent. Why is it that every day I am bombarded by pictures of Angelina and Brad in route with Maddox to and from school? I don't have the luxury of being able to pick up my daughter from school. I don't get to ask her about the fun things that she did in those three hours while it is still fresh in her mind and exciting to her.

Daycare asked my husband if it's okay for them to phase out Strawberry's naps. He agreed but then he let her sleep in the early evening hours before I got home from work. I should rephrase that because "let her sleep" actually means cannot wake her because she is completely exhausted. So the evil off cycle continues where she goes to sleep later and cannot wake up in the morning. She loses her mind and I practically have to rip her pajamas off her body. I beg, plead, demand that she get dressed while I have the same fight with her toddler sister. Everyone's crying. This has got to get easier.

A weight so heavy
My stomach is tied in knots.
Me. Monster Mommy.

19 Singing the blues:

mamatulip said...

Rather it is every little thing piling on top Jenga style, with people pulling out loose slivers until I come tumbling down. In pieces.

This is exactly how I've felt this week.

((hugs)) to you. It will get better, but I hope it gets better SOON.

housemouse said...

The nap thing is hard -- we so need that break! And they need to rest! I agree, and my 4 y/o is trying to give them up. She's about every other day right now.

Good luck. I have a 12 year old and they don't nap, though they certainly should.

As for the "Brutal" thoughts, I have definitely BTDT as long ago as... oh, this morning!

Christina said...

I've been there, and I know how you feel. When I worked my part time job, I didn't see Cordy in the evenings because she didn't nap during the day, so she was asleep by the time I got home. And then of course she was cranky in the morning, too.

I'm hoping things get better for you soon.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Terrific post. I'm sorry it's hard. Sleep can make or break your day. hope it all improves soon.

metro mama said...

I hope it gets better soon. (hugs)

Serendipity, baby! said...

I hope the tide turns for the better soon.

Ms. Huis Herself said...

*shrug* Maybe the naps are still needed and should be phased back in. We as a culture in general are really sleep-deprived - it sounds like removing the naps has made your whole family more miserable.

Good luck with it all though!

b*babbler said...

Oh dear... I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. Perhaps it really isn't time for the naps to go, not just yet. It sounds like she's just not quite ready.

I hope you have a better weekend.

Gabriella said...

I'm having one of those days today. Let's hope our weekend is better.

crazymumma said...

You are carrying so much stress. And like you needed me to tell you that.

Anyway. It does does does get easier. I promise. Although this morning I felt differently.

But it does get better. The sleep thing is such a difficult one.

But why can't they just let her have an afternoon nap at daycare? It would make your lives easier I think.

chelle said...

Nap time is tough. Becca gave hers up, however we still have a quiet time for her and ME!

It always gets better :)

kittenpie said...

I'm finding our new fall schedules tough to adjust to, too, and I bet Misterpie hates it, but he's stoic for now - or mostly, passed out on the couch early. Here's hoping for some relief or balance or something, anything, to make it better. Perhaps they can try a shorter nap instead and phase it out that way? (Meanwhile, I know you make up for it with loves and talk at other times, because you are wonderful, so don't knock yourself, mama.)

creative-type dad said...

That's tough...
hang in there.

I'm not looking forward to phasing out the naps. In fact, I want to phase naps in for myself these days.

nonlineargirl said...

I came over here with the feeling that you'd have something I needed to read. The feeling that everything is on your shoulders, weighing you down is so hard. Good luck and patience to you.

motherbumper said...

Oh SBB, you are not Monster Mommy. I hate to think everyone is crying over there. Naps are sooooo necessary, why are they phasing it out? I'm sending you all the strength I got sister-friend (which ain't much but it's all I got).

Oh Baby Gifts said...

This is why I love Italy. The whole country shuts down for a couple of hours during lunch. Thats all we need. Lunch then a nap....life is beautiful :P

Mrs. Chicken said...

I had this day a few weeks ago. It was awful.

You are not alone, friend.

Redneck Mommy said...

This is exactly how I feel these days. I'm sorry you're feeling it too.

I'd be speaking to the daycare staff. Doesn't sound to me like Strawberry is ready to lose her afternoon naps as of yet.

Good luck!

L.A. Daddy said...

I feel your pain. We've switched up our family routine and have less time in the morning.

I've got to walk on eggshells to get LA Toddler up in the morning. One wrong move and it's tears until daycare dropoff.

But naps are a must for us. If she doesn't get a nap, she's a mess by 6pm.

Hope it gets better.