Celebrate Good Times Come On

There's a party going on right here. The guests of honor, Liz, Christina and Tammie, are probably not looking for any advice right about now. Those last moments of pregnancy are trying and then the various unsolicited assvice comes rolling in. For every "Find a schedule and stick with it" you also hear "Adapt the baby into your own lifestyle." Do this. No do that. As your family grows you will find your own groove and you will discover what works for you. Of course you know best. You're the mom!

However I don't recommend sleeping when the baby sleeps or you may never blog again. We will be sitting eagerly near our feed subscriptions waiting for new posts with pictures. Adorable, beautiful baby pictures. Seriously when I see tiny, little fingers and toes, the big eyes and apple cheeks I will melt. When those pictures go up, I am sure many lurkers will swoon and gush.

I always want to say that I could just eat up that brand new baby. I want to express how delicious it would be to breath in that sweet baby freshness and smother your little one with kisses. What I would never mean by this statement is that I would attempt to eat your baby.

Please note: This is a chance photo that recently arrived in a joke email. It is not anyone that I know!

But if you are hungry, fresh rolls are yummy plain. Really no one with a wee babe has time to make a sandwich anyway. When the time comes, I would totally send my daughter to hand deliver you some fresh baked buns.

Plus then I'd get the chance to hold your newborn!

Auto conflict

Crazymumma recently asked me a question. Instead of emailing her directly I figured why not blog about it.

The question was… Niloc...do you ever have conflict about having your car, your silver one? I am feeling very conflicted about keeping the Trans Am, but it just feels so darn good....

The answer is no. I have no conflict about having the Cutlass. Just so that everyone knows it’s a 1969 Oldsmobile Cutlass S Holiday Coupe. Silver paint with a black vinyl roof. It’s almost all original but with a few tweaks to it. I could go into more detail but this is a mommy blog forum so I won’t bore you all with grease monkey talk.

The story of the car was that it originally came up for sale back when I was 19. They were only asking $3300.00 and it ended up being sold to a good friend of my dad. Back then that was probably for the best. If you give a classic car to any kid that age and it would have either been driven into the ground or it would have ended up kissing a telephone poll. Instead the car was basically stored in a heated garage for ten years. I heard it was coming up for sale one Labour Day weekend and I expressed my interest in buying it. The lucky fluke of this story was that I got offered to do a side job. It was a fair sized project. I needed to hire three other guys and it would cost me the better part of the Thanksgiving weekend. By the time I paid everyone I still ended up with five thousand in my pocket. I eagerly handed over $5,500.00 for the car. It was in great shape. Twenty four thousand original miles, no rust on it and the 350 Rocket pulled strong.

Since then I have doubled the miles on it. Scratched it down the side while listening to the music too loud and parking it in the garage. A door ding and other little imperfections but it has its place. We have a double garage off the back that’s good and dry. It’s only driven from May till September. (that rule might get bent a little if the weather is exceptional) I have a number of little improvements for it that I will get to eventually. I haven’t been all that much of a gearhead since the girls were born. It needs a ball joint for the front end, the weather stripping is dry and cracking and I don’t drive it as much as I would like. Yet I will never sell this car. It’s Canadian made and as old as me. I don’t feel guilty for it being a gas hog or that its value is equivalent of a few years tuition at university. I didn’t have to scrimp and save to get the car. I made no sacrifice to purchase my muscle car. It simply came to me when the time was right.

Jana has always been very cool about the car too. I know it’s not her ‘thing’. She doesn’t like the fact that you don’t have to wear seatbelts in it. In cars made before 1974 the seatbelts are optional because lap belts have actually been proven to cause more harm to the passengers. This weirds her out. For me I feel sorry for who ever the tank hits. She would never ask me to sell it or give me the… “I think you’ve outgrown this” speech.

So ya… if it feels good, go with it.

Live Blogging from the Abyss

Dance like no one is watching.
Blog like no one is reading.

Well that really makes no sense, right? The whole point of this space is to share personal stories assuming that someone is going to stumble across the words and possibly make a connection.

But what do you do when the stars align friends find you in Facebook and you reconnect with people from days long ago? To complicate matters, for some crazy reason you've been all willy nilly with your URL. Well I'll divulge the outcome.

~ Blank. Nothing. Nada. I've got nothing. ~

Truthfully two people might make their way over from time to time. The more the merrier and all my friends know the crazies in which I'm inflicted. Am I worried about spilling secrets? No, I'd likely have to invent a few which really wouldn't be too hard to do. It might spice things up.

During this extensive mind numbing phase, when I wasn't daydreaming about jumping on a tour bus, geeking out on Facebook or satisfying Buttercup's demands for her favourite fuzzy red friend Elmo, I have been under a major deadline at work.

Now the sun is shining and I can see the light of day but I've signed up for a new challenge called Project 365 Kids. Seriously folks what am I thinking? Oh right, obviously once again... the void. I am going to attempt to take a daily photo of each of our girls for a year. I'm nervous about this. It seems like a huge task but it shouldn't be so hard. I adore my subject matter.

Smile like the whole world is smiling.

Why do you own two guitars?

I’m glad you asked. It started back in ’94. I was laid off for the very first time. (hardly the last) I was a 4th term apprentice and suddenly with a lot of spare time on my hands. My younger brother P had been taking guitar lessons for as long as I can remember. Every Christmas or Birthday he would get more lessons. Jazz. Blues. Finger picking. Classical. There might be a few more that I'm missing. The kid had talent. Eventually able to hear a guitar riff once and play it back for you then and there. With me being such a music geek I wanted to learn a little guitar myself. Just to learn a couple songs and have a little fun. $650.00 bought me a ’91 Fender Strat Plus from Songbird Music. The guitar was near mint. Finished like a piece of high-end furniture. The intention was to bug the little bro into showing me a few things and for me to make the most of it while I was out of work.

P showed me a few power chords. I would ask him what songs were straightforward enough. (ok, ok… simple enough) for me to learn. Pretend We’re Dead – L7. Drive Blind – Ride. What You Said – Holy Rollers. Were a few of them. I did manage to remember a few full chords but I couldn’t show you one of them now if my life depended on it. I didn’t keep on it. I didn’t bug my brother enough and I didn’t invest the time needed. P would occasionally borrow the Strat when he had a show. That’s sort of how I ended up with the second guitar. P had a Gibson SG Firebrand. It’s relatively rare. Over the years it has been used and slightly abused all in the name of Rock ‘N Roll. It has been saved by the Twelfth Fret more than once.

P had looked for a back up guitar for a while but never had any luck. I stumbled across a SG with a cherry finish at another consignment shop near Danforth and Danforth. Made in 1980 it was still a real SG. Not some lesser clone they were making at the time. P looked at it and it was a close enough match to his first but he didn’t have the cash. I ended up fronting the $800.00 for it. What’s a big brother for right? He would pay me back when he could and no biggie. I didn’t foresee him falling in love with a classic Guild Acoustic guitar later that summer. It was blond and from the late 60’s. It had a great sound to it and when I think back on it now I can’t really blame him for picking it up when he did. At the time though I was pissed. I swore that the SG was now mine since he invested into something else. It still didn’t help me learn to play any better than the Strat did.

There have been a number of times when we have been a little tight for money and I’ve thought of selling the two guitars. (I’ve still got an extra car to sell but that’s another post) They are two fancy slabs of wood with a little electronics jammed inside that are worth more now then when I first bought them. The money could be well used somewhere else but then I start thinking that I could never replace them for what I originally bought them for and I doubt in the same condition. I have two girls. I have two guitars. Should I start overloading them on Luscious Jackson, Liz Phair, L7, Elastica, The Breeders and Veruca Salt?

Hopefully Uncle P will be up to giving a few lessons when the time is right.

Define Cheating

A recent online survey uncovered some interesting facts…

83% of people consider romantically kissing someone else while in a committed relationship to be cheating. (20% did it.)

66% believe that having online sex is cheating. (15% of men and 7% of women took part in this activity. These numbers make me wonder if half of these men are unknowingly getting off with each other.)

60% of cheaters believe they totally got away with their affair.

10% felt their partner was suspicious, but never found out for sure.

2% were busted in the act.

94% of those guilty denied having an affair when confronted with their partner's suspicions.

15% of women and 16% of men with children ages 2 to 5 years had an affair.

7% of women and 9% of men cheated while having a child under the age of 2 in the home.

71% of people say it is never okay to be unfaithful.
29% of people think it is acceptable.

Hmmm… Could you please let me know if you think it is alright that I have a hot date tonight with this guy? I am planning on dragging my husband along for the ride.

Waiting for this moment all her life

...but it's not quite right.

Our latest movie is very long even after editing. Unfortunately it is way too dark. Near the end it does get brighter because we finally clued in. Obviously though it does make me suppress giggles.




The Long Ride Home on Vimeo

Background music:
"Naked Sun" by ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead
"Lazy Eye" by Silversun Pickups

Wreckage

I really hope that anyone who read yesterday's post doesn't think negatively about me. I fear that I could end up being a misunderstood blogger. The world certainly doesn't need more of those so I feel the need to clarify.

Typically I got home from work last night and asked Colin what he thought about my latest post. He said that I divulged a lot. You know about train wrecks. He looked at me like I'm nuts.

I tried to explain to him.

Sweetie you're not supposed to take me literally. I was talking about the drama in celebrities lives. Like how you just can't get away from hearing about the craziness going on with Lindsay Lohan (all making love to K-Fed) Not that I want to watch that! Oooooh… Bleeeeech… but the nonsense of celebrity drama is what I meant about train wrecks.

He still looked at me like I am insane.

Now I'm wondering if you are all secretly hoping that Sandra is having dreams about me. Really I'm so insanely worried about this that I dreamt last night that someone was chasing me and trying to inject me with needles that would make my body go numb. I woke up to find that I had been sleeping on my arm in a strange position and I couldn't move it.

So please note that I would never wish ill on anyone. Not people who display Baby on Board! signs; not my frenemies; not that evil boss that I once had; not even Courtney Love.

That has got to say something.

The Power in a PDA

Drama.

I crave it. I hunt it down and drag it back to our doorsteps. On occasion I may even create it. It makes life an interesting adventure. As a spectator, watching drama unfold fills me with glee.

It's likely human nature that I take delight in the fortune and even misfortune of others.

When someone achieves success people are eager to see them fall off their pedestal. We can't help but tune into train wrecks. It's easy to want someone who is larger than life to have to endure some adversity. Most people know that celebrity gossip is blown out of proportion just to make a good headline.

When we catch a glimpse of real tragedy, it can be hard to look away. It serves as a reminder to thank the stars that it's not me. I am lucky.

There is even more power in a feel good moment. These are times that my heart feels lighter and a smile will grace my lips by witnessing happiness in a stranger. A child hugging his mother; lovers embraced in a passionate kiss; a group of friend's laughter that draws our attention.

I devour novels weeping real tears for people that exist only on paper. In the theatre I cheer for heartthrobs on their quest to find love or save humanity. Hollywood knows our weakness for drama and is constantly churning out billions to keep us lining up for another serving.

We rented Trust The Man. While it does have plenty of laugh out loud moments it was so apparent to me that this story of relationship troubles was written by a man. Writer/Director Bart Freundlich comes up slightly short as he does not leave me trusting anyone. Tom (David Duchovny) is a bored, stay at home dad in need of more sex. While his brother in law Tobey (Billy Crudup) has commitment issues. It could have been a really smart movie had they not relied heavily on a rather cheesy happy ever after ending. Both guys end up using the three magic words in a public setting to win back their hearts desire.

Yes I believe that women do love hearing the phrase "I love you." As I obviously adore public displays of affection, I would gawk and gush to be a bystander of a marriage proposal. However I do not find it believable that a strong woman would forget all their relationship history with a simple public declaration of love. I don't think it is easy to kick the man that you love to the curb even if he did break your heart. It gives a false illusion that women are suckers for grand gestures. No matter what goes wrong in your relationship, she will take you back if you boldly play the Love Card in front of strangers. I'm sorry guys but that is not your get out of jail free ticket. It will cost a whole lot more than two hundred dollars as you pass Go!

Even though I have slightly spoiled the ending, I still recommend viewing this movie. I may even buy it because I could spend 103 minutes over and over with the delicious Billy Crudup.

By the time you read this it will all be over

Why do I allow myself to be drawn in like this? It happens year after year. Your hopes and dreams are at first cautious but somewhere along the way you find yourself helplessly sucked in. Soon your hopes grow into expectations. Frustrations build at setbacks. You know you are fool hearty to start to believe your dreams yet you continue to invest yourself.

History repeats. Dreams shattered.

You can argue till the cows come home why The Leafs didn’t make the playoffs for the second year in a row. I’m trying not to care anymore.

* * * * *

Now that was my post 30 seconds ago. The Devils just scored the tying goal with 0.8 seconds left in the 3rd period. The Leafs and The Islanders are now tied for the 8th playoff spot. Toronto would get the go ahead only because of one regular season win that New York doesn’t have. In overtime The Devils have a 2/3rds advantage over The Islanders and here I go again.

Stupid enough to believe.

An Invitation

Hey so do you want to get together? I really need to get a coffee. I'll even buy some lip smacking cupcakes for us to indulge in. We can let our children get all messy and take pictures of them.

Let's meet here.

My friends will be there too. They are truly beyond super cool.

If you happen to drop by the comfort zone, please note that today's entry was written by "a friend." Yah, that's it. Not me. Bwahahahaha…

Chicky Wants to Know

After I revealed that I am possibly a bizarro alien love child of Mr. T. Cruise, I am happy that you have returned. I know I need to do some damage control. Quick! That nonsense about past lives is some whacky stuff but it's not like I admitted that Colin and I wear vials of each other's blood as jewelry.

Please turn your attention to the stunning, down to earth and intensely commanding Mrs. Chicky. (I'm hoping she doesn't ask me to roll over…)

1. Bad news, you're going deaf. But the good news is through some fluke of nature you'll still be able to listen to the music of one, and only one, band or singer. If you could pick, who would it be?
I'd have to choose the complete works of Dave Grohl. This way I could crank up the Nirvana, Foo Fighters and ironically the Songs for the Deaf album by Queens of the Stone Age. Plus I can dig into the rare live bootlegs as he's been known to do a mean cover of many 70's classics including hits by Journey, Eddie Money and Cheap Trick. Sorry but I had to cheat just a little bit on that answer. For Dave, I'd cheat.

2. How many different hair colors have you had? Name them.
My first gray hairs appeared when I turned ten. TEN! I waited until I was twelve to start colouring my hair. For the most part I've kept it a shade close to what I assume was my original shade of auburn but I have tried almost every variation of red.

I had a brief stint with a box of dark brown and my parents assumed it was my Goth phase. After that dark hue, I took an issue of Vogue with a Madonna photo shoot to my stylist and professed my blonde ambition. Let me tell you that the bleaching process was painful. Seriously, I almost passed out. I most likely lost a few brain cells during the transition.

A couple months later I met Colin. He confessed to my roommate that he didn't think our relationship would last because he had never dated a blonde. (Shakes head ~ Men!)

Of course I went though my Manic Panic phase. I preferred Divine Wine and Plum Passion.

It is always a battle of the roots because my coarse hair grows like a weed. I know I'll never win and I've succumbed to my obvious roots. I find it amusing when I get outright scorn from certain extended family members, friends and street people. Just this week a rude person randomly yelled at me to dye my hair. I guess it's time.

3. Finish this sentence - "Guys on motorcycles are___________".
sizzling hot if posing for a photo session. Pout for me bad boy. As soon as they actually drive away on the motorcycle, they are just bikers. There is something about motorcycle safety clothing that is a turn off.

4. What's your idea of the perfect date?
Ripe, sweet and succulent.

You did mean the fruit right? Going out for an evening of fun with my significant other has never been part of my reality. Colin and I have been together fourteen years. He is a very social person who loves to be surrounded by friends. Parties yes. Dates no. While I crave romance and deep conversation over candlelight, I settle with snuggling on the loveseat to watch a movie after the girls are asleep.

Another word that is not in our vocabulary - babysitter.

5. Did you always want to be in the music industry or did you kind of stumble into it?
I had lofty aspirations of becoming a rock star. I took my passion for music and got the one and only part time job in the local record shop. By moving to a bigger city, I worked my way up the retail chain. When I moved out east it was easy to land a spot in the flagship store. I met record company people and used my connections (and a few lucky stars) to end up helping others attain their creative goals. I try hard not to stumble into work but there have been many nights that I have stumbled home.

Thanks Mrs. Chicky! If you would like to play this game, send me a request for your own unique interview. However beware that I write the questions that make the young girls cry.

Irrational Fears

For as long as I can remember I have held on to fears that are so deeply rooted that I have come to believe that they must be carried forward from another lifetime.

It gives me the willies when I touch the insides of my own wrists. My over active imagination places morbid visuals of a faceless former version of myself lying in a bathtub filled with blood red water. It is a scene of great sadness.

As a teenager, I had a strong aversion to learning to drive. At the bold age of sixteen, teenagers are anxious to gain independence and freedom. That sweet sixteen birthday taunted me with the pressure of attaining a driver’s license. My dad had promised me that I could take any car off his lot. He owned a Honda dealership at the time. I froze with fear as I was haunted by another distressing image.

In it I am crying while driving down a deserted highway. On top of the tears blurring my vision is the rain beating down on the windshield of my powder blue car. There is a bridge and then only fuzziness.

I held onto this visual as a safety blanket. Whether I made the whole thing up or not, it was the reason I could avoid pursuing my own driver’s license. No doubt my friends thought I was eccentric when I told them about remembering past life experiences. I was convinced that these deaths were traumatic enough to leave an imprint on my current state of being.

Three years later I gave in to the demand of needing to drive in Saskatchewan where there was no reliable form of public transportation. I tucked away that picture of a lonely, dark night in a powder blue car even though I still have a looming fear of accidents. My defensive driving skills are likely the result of carrying this irrational fear.

My Perfect Post award goes to a writer that I could easily honor every month. She spins her tales with ease while painting the scenes of her life so vividly that it often takes my breath away. In her post A Place To Hide, Sandra describes the solace she found in a robin's egg blue car in her uncle's wrecking yard. For a moment my unfounded fears vanished as I felt a strange connection to the tears that her 11-year-old self shed in that robin's egg blue car. Maybe my heart had been aching for my future friend.

Be sure to visit MommaK and Lindsay to find a list of all the March award winners.