Do Mothers Belong on Facebook?

People that are on the you love to hate it too social network, otherwise known as Facebook, are all jumping ship and I am here to be the black sheep that cries out… Wait! Let me give you a few reasons to hang around.

Sure their policies are hypocritical and that does suck, but they also save lives! That's right. The paper that broke the breastfeeding scandal of deleted profiles is now reporting that Facebook has saved a Canadian woman from rabies from an infected bat. So please don't go batshit crazy.

How about protesting their sucktitude with other methods? You could join the group Hey, Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene! (Official petition to Facebook) where over a thousand breastfeeding pictures are posted. You can add your own breastfeeding pictures in support of the women who had their profiles deleted.

Buy some onesies for your child that read:
"Why buy formula, when you can get the milk for free?"
"I know where my next meal is!"
"My mom's more than just a nice rack"

Sign me up for a fun night of protest where we go around and flash the girls to give people something to talk about for real. Everyone in their right mind knows that as soon as you attach a baby to a boob, the woman is sustaining her child's life. She is not trying to make you uncomfortable. She is not partaking in a sexual act. I don't think spring break activities have been protested as much as those evil mothers that are not starving their children.

To the people that pop their rocks at the mere sight of a breast, you might consider getting a tattoo to remind yourself that Spring Break = Sexual / Breastfeeding does not. Still having difficulties? Envision your own mother breastfeeding.

I support The League of Maternal Justice but dear friends and flee-ers of Facebook, please don't leave me alone with the hordes of women poking my husband. I must stay and check in on his profile.

If you do deactivate please stay away from all rabid animals.

P.S. There is a free trial of Picnik Premium available this week. It's an application that I discovered through Facebook. It's a super easy way to make your photos look stunning!

Extreme Parenting

I'm beginning to realize that this parenting gig is dangerous but that doesn't have me running scared. No, I'm one tough mother cookie so I can handle it. I wasn't too fearful of labor. I knew that it would be a painful moment in time that would eventually end. Period. Having an ending in sight allowed me to face the pain head on. I would make it through. I would come out the other side transformed into a mother with a sweet, cuddly infant. Little did I know that this was a drop in the bucket for future pain that would be inflicted on me. I've suffered from the tantrum flinging of the head backwards into my immediately swollen lip at least twice. Now Buttercup has taken the cake.

The girls were so happy to have me home this weekend. We were spending some quality time playing fort and having a giggle fest. As the girls are all about enforcing exclusivity, they were inside the fort and I was not allowed in. Every time I peaked in, they closed the blanket, shooing me out with their contagious laughter. It was all fun and games until Buttercup decided the best way to get rid of mom was with a headbutt. As in any accident, time has a way of switching to slow motion. Her affectionate smiling face inching closer. Smashing her cranium against me. Unable to move away, I feel the direct impact, hear the crack and I feel my nose being smushed rightward. My hands go towards the excruciating pain. Tears spring forth. The game is over. My nose is broken.

I didn't sign up for extreme parenting and now I am thinking my children are going to break me. It will be a good two weeks until the pain subsides but my nose will never be the same especially since this is technically the second time it has been broken. Hell, I don't even have a million dollar NHL contract. I'm rethinking this tough mother cookie business. I'm afraid.

On the upside I'll be able to use this against her when she's sixteen.

Since then I've been looking for non-violent activities to distract the girls. I've discovered that this video is even better than Treehouse. We parents have to bond together. If it works for me, it might work for you. One must have other options than a screaming Spanish girl that sings little ditties.

A Midday Meal

I am currently on the west coast eco trippin'. My coworker and I were enjoying our lunch on a gorgeous heated patio. The view was superb. We were eating seafood under blankets on leather chairs by the fireplace. It was the best.

I love to people watch so I was checking out the patrons. There were people from my desired occupation -the ladies that lunch, a group of guys that had to be in a rock band, a few romantic couples, some locals that might work in the area and behind my left shoulder were three attractive guys. That's when I had to steal another look because one of them looked like he could possibly be Ben Affleck.

My coworker and I began a deep conversation over our crab. We were going back and forth, "It is him." "No it couldn't be." "Umm, he really looks like Ben." "Yes, oooh... I think it is." "No. His hair was shorter in the photos from the Toronto International Film Festival." "Right. He's most likely back in Hawaii." "Does Ben smoke?"

Finally we determined that it wasn't him but it was his smile that made him look so much like the Hollywood movie star. Too bad.

Find out how I'm doing on this latest eco trippin' adventure over here.

Bonus Round

My friend Kittenpie did a Scattergories Meme. I wanted to knock my Friday morning down a notch so this will do the trick nicely. It feels to me that I'm a contestant on Family Feud.

Use the first letter of your name to answer these categories:
1. Famous Singer/Band: John Lennon
2. Four letter word: jump
3. Street: Jarvis Street
4. Color: jade
5. Gifts/Presents: jewelry
6. Vehicle: Jaguar
7. Things in a Souvenir Shop: Junk
8. Boy Name: James
9. Girl Name: Julia
10. Movie Title: Jaws, Jackie Brown
11. Drink: Jägermeister
12. Occupation: Journalist
13. Celebrity: Jude Law and Norah Jones in My Blueberry Nights
14. Magazine: Jane
15. U.S. City: San Jose, New Jersey
16. Pro Sports Teams: Toronto Blue Jays
17. Fruit: Jujube
18. Reason for Being Late for Work: Juice got spilled all over my new power suit. Colin used to be able to say his Jeep is on fire.
19. Something You Throw Away: Junk mail
20. Things You Shout: Join Us!
21. Cartoon Character: Baby Jaguar, The Jetsons

"Good answer! Good answer!"

Brutal

There are days when I feel distraught with negative energy. I imagine myself crouched over, slowly turning my head. My eyes become wild shooting rays of death and I want to scream. SCREAM so loud that you could hear me across the ocean.

There is nothing so wrong or bad that is causing me to feel this way. It's not one thing. Rather it is every little thing piling on top Jenga style, with people pulling out loose slivers until I come tumbling down. In pieces.

I deem myself a worthless parent. Why is it that every day I am bombarded by pictures of Angelina and Brad in route with Maddox to and from school? I don't have the luxury of being able to pick up my daughter from school. I don't get to ask her about the fun things that she did in those three hours while it is still fresh in her mind and exciting to her.

Daycare asked my husband if it's okay for them to phase out Strawberry's naps. He agreed but then he let her sleep in the early evening hours before I got home from work. I should rephrase that because "let her sleep" actually means cannot wake her because she is completely exhausted. So the evil off cycle continues where she goes to sleep later and cannot wake up in the morning. She loses her mind and I practically have to rip her pajamas off her body. I beg, plead, demand that she get dressed while I have the same fight with her toddler sister. Everyone's crying. This has got to get easier.

A weight so heavy
My stomach is tied in knots.
Me. Monster Mommy.

Overanalyze

"Explore an unpaved road with a new friend."

a) I will develop an unconventional new friendship.

b) I will soon be eco trippin' again!

c) As of Thursday, September 20th, I'll be sucked into yet another season of reality television.

d) Three way cross promotion advertising on a free fortune cookie gives me something to think about while eating steamed rice and tofu. Yes, I'm sure no one cares what I ate for lunch but ooooh, look... a shiny wrapper!

Haiku Friday

A brilliant plan by
Jennifer and Christina
To share and link poems

On a Post-It note
Crossed out words across my page
Desire to join in?

******

Two little hippies
Holding her big sister's hand
Offer smiles to mom

Another hot day
Feels like summer is still here
Off to bask in it...

Two Tickets to Paradise

I gave Strawberry a pair of capris and she grabbed a tank top to wear.

Me - "Oh, I thought you would wear this striped T-shirt instead."

Her - "Fine. Whatever."

Me in shock - "Did you just turn into a teenager?"

Her - giggles...

I am not ready for summer to end. September feels like a month of Mondays. I want to pack a beach bag, read trashy novels while lying on a towel, build sandcastles, have the scent of suntan lotion linger in the air, enjoy gelato melting on my tongue, have drinks on patios and watch the sunset over the lake.

I'd rather have five months of summer, three months of winter with two months each of spring and fall for transition. However there is no fighting it. Fall has arrived.

I used to eagerly anticipate September back when I lived my life around television. This was BC. (aka: Before children.) I used to know what day of the week it was by what program was airing during primetime.

I have been addicted to ER, CSI, Medium, Friends, Seinfeld, X-Files, Party of Five, Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place. I've been through TLC marathons. I've eaten up big servings of reality television. I've had premier and season finale parties. On occasion I have even dreamt of the characters during the summer months. Those season finale cliff hangers can really pack a punch.

I wish that I had watched Grey's Anatomy, Lost, 24 or Prison Break from the beginning but now I am stuck getting caught up on the DVD's. This is a hard task to do when I can't seem to fit an hour and a half for a movie that I rented three weeks ago. Hello restocking fees.

While I don't want to get involved with another Studio 60, I'm going to try to catch Big Shots starring Michael Vartan and Dylan McDermott. This new show will be in the time slot right after Grey's Anatomy premiering on September 27th. I think it will be ABC's male version of Desperate Housewives. Also mid-season I will try to catch Lipstick Jungle. I can't resist the tag line. "They're not looking for Mr. Big. They are Mr. Big."

Although in truth I cannot make a commitment to any television show. I can't be bothered to record shows that I'll probably never end up watching. If only I could stop all this sleeping that I seem to be accustomed to because I really do miss television. I should buy stocks in Beaver Buzz.

The only season premiere party that we will be having is on September 8th when season three of the Backyardigans airs and the following day for Go, Diego, Go!

There is one reality show that I was reading about that is totally appalling. Kid Nation features forty children from the ages of eight to fifteen. They are completely unsupervised for forty days. While the naughty finger is being pointed at the network for offering this contract for five thousand guaranteed dollars, shouldn't the public be more outraged that parents actually agreed to it? I would never subject my child to the possible emotional, psychological damage or the physical risk. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth but that's not to say I don't like me some reality fun. I'm crossing my fingers that a station in Canada will air the return of Paradise Hotel!